Test Score

In this monologue, Jesse talks to his girlfriend about his past regarding some of the abuse he took from his father growing up as a kid. 

JESSE: The worst feeling in the world would come over me whenever I flunked a test. This wave of fear would blanket my skin. Whenever I didn’t make the grade, I knew I had shit to face at home…

One time I walked in my house and I didn’t even get my school bag off before my father walked over to me and took it off my back. He rummaged through my bag as I slowly back peddled towards my bedroom. He pulled out the folder and right inside was a test score of fifty, from a Math test I got back that day.

My father…he looked up at me with these crazy eyes, eyes that no eight year old boy should ever look in to. He asked me to come closer and I obeyed. Then he struck me. Everytime my pops would hit me, I would dive down to the floor fast and curl myself up into a ball to protect myself from his kicks and punches. I’m embarrassed to tell you these things…

I went through alot growing up as a kid. Always kept it to myself. That’s why I fear no man. I promised myself that I would never allow another man to ever make me feel afraid. I don’t know what was worse, the physical hits or the verbal name calling. I know one thing, the way I’ve lived my life, I will never hurt my children that way. NEVER. I could never hurt any of the ones I love in that way. NEVER. Sure, I could be brought to my limits as I have been in my past but what I live with in my heart, the way I am designed, I would rather kill myself first before ever striking you or a loved one.

That’s why when you pushed me the other day when we were arguing, it hurt me more than you will ever know. I would never hurt you. I could never do anything like that to you. I know you were drunk and I don’t hold it against you baby. I don’t believe in a man hitting a woman and I don’t believe in a woman hitting a man either. Please, don’t ever get physical with me again, okay? You are better than that, which is why I love you so and I forgive you. I will never hold that nonsense against you but instead look at it as an opportunity for us to get to know one another better. Do you agree?

(beat)

You are always safe with me.

(he hugs her)

We are a team and I love you with all my heart. Always know that baby. Niether of us are pefect and we will always make mistakes but the most important thing is to always learn from them, grow from them and move forward together. There is nothing we can’t get through together, we just can never stop believing. The minute one of us stops believing, ALL IS LOST…

Joseph Arnone

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