The Shoulder Test

In this monologue, Aury talks to his friend about how he knows if a girl will be fat when she gets older.

AURY: You wanna know how to tell if a woman is going to be fat later in life?

(beat)

You gotta give her the shoulder test.  Yeah.  Ever hear of the shoulder test?  No?  The shoulder test is when you take a woman’s arm, you study it from the shoulder down to the elbow.  You need to decipher between a wide and thick looking arm or a thin and slender arm.  When they are wide and thick, forget it, she’s gonna be a fatty.  But if she’s thin and slender, you struck gold.  She will fill out nicely later on.  And if she’s wide, thick and flabby…run the other way.

That’s how you know if she’s going to keep her body.

Joseph Arnone

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