The Way That You Act

In this dramedy script, SHANNON is annoyed that the waitress keeps eyeballing her boyfriend GREGORY.   For more original scripts and scenes.

Shannon:  Did you say the way she kept staring at you?  She’s lucky I didn’t punch her in the mouth, the bitch.

Gregory: Shay, why do you always have to start confrontations?

Shannon: How am I starting it, when she was looking at you?

Gregory: You could be the bigger person and ignore it.  You don’t have to fight the world.

Shannon: Sorry but, if she’s going to be that obvious and drool over you while we’re trying to have dinner in this restaurant, then I should say something.

Gregory: Say what?  She’s our waitress.

Shannon: I’ll ask for a new waitress.

Gregory: Shannon, listen, alright, listen…you need to stop this shit right now cause you’re getting me pissed off and I took you hear because I want to have a nice night out.

Shannon: Fine.  Whatever.

(pause.)

Gregory: You hungry?

Shannon: Starving.

Gregory: Yeah, me too.  (beat) I’m ready to eat my hand.  This bread lasted two minutes between the two of us.  We need another basket or something.

Shannon: Drink your water.  I heard that models drink lots of water in order to prevent themselves form eating, so they don’t get fat.

Gregory: Really? Where’d you come across such wisdom?

Shannon: From my mags asshole.

Gregory: Woah, I wasn’t saying that to aggravate you, alright? I freaking was really asking.  Jesus.  Always so quick to name call.

Shannon: I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were being serious with me.  I thought you were making me sound stupid.

Gregory: You’re not stupid babe.  You’re one of the smartest people I know.

Shannon: You think?

Gregory: Of course.

Shannon: Thanks, baby.  (beat) Where is this bitch?  You see how she leaves us hanging hear for like fifteen minutes already?

Gregory: Yeah but have some patience.  Drink more water.

Shannon: You being a wiseass now?

Gregory: Shannon, why is it that every little thing I say to you is like you’re ready for war?  I’ll tell you what, when the waitress comes back, beat the shit out of her.  Okay? Will that make you feel better?  So then I can get up and throw down with all the waiters and bus boys in this place with a great big smile on my face because you’re driving me crazy.  So please, smack the bitch, do whatever you got to do so I can have a reason to go fucking crazy.

(pause.)

Shannon: You don’t have to get so upset.

Gregory: No?  I don’t have to get so upset?

Shannon: No, you don’t have to get so—

Gregory: Then stop raising my blood pressure all the time cause once I go off, I’m off.  You understand?

Shannon: Yeah, yeah.

Waitress: So sorry about the wait guys, something happened in the kitchen, one of the stoves but it’s all worked out.  The food is great, it will be worth the wait.

Shannon: Hope so…

Waitress: Can I get you anything else?

Shannon: Yeah, I’ll have another margarita but but one that comes back in the time it takes to make it and bring it here.

Waitress:  Uhhh, okaaay.  And you, sir?

Gregory: Me? I’m fine other than my girl being rude.  My apologies.  We’re just having a little dispute.  Nothing to do with you, my apologues.

Waitress: No worries.

(waitress walks away)

Shannon: Are you fucking serious right now?

Gregory: What?

Shannon: How could you have just said that to that whore?

Gregory: You want to leave, cause I’m ready to leave?

Shannon: How can you go against me like that?

Gregory: Against you?  I’ve asked you so politely multiple times to be nice to the girl and what do you do?  You’re nasty.  So, now I gave it back and we’re even.  Okay?

Shannon: Even?  Okay, you want to play games, we can play games.  We’ll see.

Gregory: Alright, listen.  I’m gonna put my fist through this fucking table in another second.  Say one more thing and watch what I do.  You think I’m joking?

Shannon: Punch the fucking table Greg and embarrass yourself.  Won’t be the first time you look like—

Gregory: Shut your mouth.  I’m telling you Shannon, shut you’re fucking mouth.

(beat)

Try to take you someone nice, show you a good time.  We both can use a good time and you have to carry on like this.  I can’t believe it.  Even before we left the house, you were starting your shit.  Even then!  This is what I got to deal with, right?  You couldn’t just listen to what I said to you about the girl, you had to go off being a wiseass.  Just can’t respect when I ask you politely to do something out of our own integrity.  No.  You need to go off and start me up and ruin the night.  Fuck this, let’s go.

(Gregory stands up)

Shannon: Sit down, you idiot.  Sit down!

(Gregory stares at her…)

Gregory: Should I sit down?

(beat)

Shannon: Please sit down.

(pause.)

Waitress: Here comes your margarita. Sir, are you sure I can’t get you another beer?

Gregory: Beer? No, ahhh…I’ll tell you what…let me get a shot please.  Shot of Jameson.

Waitress: You got it.

Shannon: (to Waitress) Thank you.  (beat) You see.  I was nice just then and she walked off.

Gregory: Because she’s not blind.  She’s sees the tension right now and she doesn’t want to deal with it.  She’s just trying to do her job.  My mother was a waitress and let me tell you, it’s one of the hardest fucking job to do.  You’re making this lady’s night a living hell the way that you act.

Shannon: The way that I act.

Gregory: Stop repeating everything I say and actually think about what I say.

Shannon: …Fine, let’s eat before everything get like ice.

Gregory: I’m not even hungry now cause I’m so aggravated.

Shannon: Oh please, you can eat a four course meal on your dying breathe.

Gregory: That’s true, actually. You alright?

Shannon: Yeah.  You?

Gregory: Yeah, let’s eat.

Joseph Arnone

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