A Higher Level of Talk

In this comedy monologue, BART tells his friend all about this date he had with a girl who came off as someone way beyond his own intelligence.

Bart:  I can’t believe…no, just can’t believe she told me I have no depth.  Depth?  I have depth.  I’m a very, very deep guy, okay?  I mean, I know things, alright.  Depth…pfff!  Depth is my middle name…okay, so I haven’t traveled as much but still, I have had experiences…depth…

She told me I am not enough of a conversationalist for her, that she needs to have a higher level of talk.  She said I am too dimwitted for her.  I am not a dimwit okay…I have wit, I am a pretty witty guy, right?

I make people laugh all the time and I am a good thinker.  I think alone, outloud sometimes…like I—-man, she was talking about things I never even heard of before.  She was so fascinating.  Like, I didn’t have a freaking clue what she was saying but she sounded so smart that I got totally mesmerized.  I’m such a tool, man.  Damn.

She was going on about space and the planets and in the next breath she jumped over to economics and the stock market, before spinning me into ancient Egyptian culture and architecture and mystery and I couldn’t say anything.  I had absolutely nothing.  Nothing to add to the conversation.  My mind went blank.  I think I tried talking about ghosts or something but by that point it was like, “Whaaat?”

After she told me I had no depth I told her I would be her student…can you believe I did that?  How low did I make myself?  I can’t believe I did that.  She laughed so hard in my face and walked off.

…my brain still hurts but she was amazing, bro….

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Joseph Arnone


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