Another Donnie

The action takes place in the outdoor backyard of a home in middle America.  A comedic short script where a joke gets played on young Donnie.

Berthal: Donnie, come here and look at this nonsense.  What is all this?

Donnie: I don’t know.

Berthal: What do you mean you don’t know?

Donnie: I didn’t do it.

Berthal: Didn’t ask you if you did it.  I asked you what is it?

Donnie: I don’t know.

Berthal: Well, look at it!  Take a damn look with your own two eyes and see what it is…

(Donnie looks amongst the trash cans and debris)

Donnie: Hold on…that looks like my baseball glove.  What is my baseball glove doing there…it’s covered in green goop.

(Donnie picks up his glove covered in green slime)

Berthal: Why you touching it with no gloves?  What’s the matter with you?

(Sheriff Mitchell enters)

Sheriff Mitchell: Drop the glove, son!

(Donnie drops the glove)

Oh, hell!  We have to take your son in for contamination.

Berthal: What’s that?

Sheriff Mitchell: Contamination.  The boy is contaminated.

Donnie: What’s contaminated?

Sheriff Mitchell: I’m going door to door right now, I have the entire police force letting people know and calls are being made to every single person in our town.  There is a contamination that’s spreading.  A creature on the loose, dropping this green goo and causing people to change.

Donnie: Change?  What?

Berthal: Oh my God.  What’s gonna happen to my son?

Donnie: Mom!  My hand…it’s turning purple.

Sheriff Mitchell: Listen to me now, we don’t have much time!  There’s a vaccine at NewBridge Hospital but we can’t wait.  In order to save your sons life we have to go pronto!  Let’s go, Donnie!

Donnie: Am I gonna die?  I’m gonna die!

Berthal: You’re gonna die!

Donnie: Why Momma!  Why?!

Berthal: It’s alright son, your Papa and me with just make another one of you is all.

Donnie: What?

Sheriff Mitchell: That’s true.  If we don’t get to the hospital in time, you can always reproduce another Donnie.

Donnie: Another Donnie?!  What’s going on?  Let’s go now?  I gotta live.  I want to live!

(Sheriff mitchell and Berthal laugh hysterically together)

Are you both crazy?  Please save me!  What’s happening?

Sheriff Mitchell: Hold on…I can’t catch my…I can’t catch my darn breath.

Berthal: Shhh, haha,  shhh…should see your face son.

Donnie: Is it purple?

(Sheriff Mitchell and Berthal let out a simultaneous LAUGH)

I’m not going to change?  What?

Berthal: It’s a job you idiot.  We planned the whole thing.  Well, I should say your brother.

Donnie: Tommy?  How did he plan it if he’s in the war?

Corporal Tommy: No I’m not.

Donnie: Tommy??

Corporal Tommy: What’s up, little bro?

Donnie: No shit!

(Corporal Tommy and Donnie hug)

Corporal Tommy: I told you I would get you back for what you did to me before I left.  Did I get you good?

Donnie: I hate you.

(everyone laughs)

How did you get back?

Corporal Tommy: I fulfilled my obligation to our country and made it back in one whole piece.  I’m very lucky.

Donnie: Are you back for good?

Corporal Tommy: For now.

Sheriff Mitchell: I’ll let you all get re-acquainted.  I have to head back to the Willis’.

Berthal: Everything alright?

Sheriff Mitchell: Yeah, well, you know Marv…had too much to drink and creating a disturbance again.

Berthal: Don’t know how they do it.

(Sheriff Mitchell and Corporal Tommy shake hands)

Sheriff Mitchell: Corporal…

Corporal Tommy: Sheriff.  Thanks for chiming into our little family hoax.

Sheriff Mitchell: You are family.

(Corporal Tommy nods)

Berthal hugs Sheriff Mitchell)

Berthal: Thanks, Marshall.

Berthal: I got my boys back.  I have supper almost ready to come out the oven.

Corporal Tommy: What did you make?

Berthal: You’re favorite, honey.

Donnie: I can’t wait to tell Robbie that Tommy is back home!

Joseph Arnone

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