Ask Her Out This Tuesday

In Ask Her Out This Tuesday, Philly Cheese talks rapidly to his friend about how he needs his help to ask out the girl he likes for a date over the weekend.

PHILLY CHEESE:  I’m gonna do it.  This week I’m gonna do it.  I’m telling you Freddy, Freddy it’s happening cause I’m gonna do it and I’m gonna do it with all my might.  All my might Freddy, all my freaking might.

Might I ask you a question?  You like how I connected mights there for the second?  Hahaha, I learned that there, I learned that from a writer…wasn’t Shakespeare, no, it was ah, oh, uh, one of those writers who uh, anyway…my question is this…how do I keep going?

I wanna do it, I wanna ask Luraina out but she’s gonna call the cops on me and I don’t need no cops comin’ after me, locking me up and being on the floor in the cell again cause there’s no seats and everybody’s either burning in summer or frozen in winter in those places, right, right?

So, ah, how do I keep going without getting locked up cause I asked her out about fifty-one or fifty-two times and she’s warned me to stop and I think she really meant it this time, the last time that is, yeah.

Freddy, I asked you a question.  What, you don’t hear me?  You know why you don’t hear me?  Cause you’re always staring into ya phone like an ass, all day long, just staring into the phone like a moth smacking light and you look like a giant idiot when you do that.  Believe me, believe me.  You shouldn’t be doing that cause you already look like an idiot but now forget it, there’s no helping you brah.  Brah, brah you’re my brah, I love ya you crack bastard!

So ah, listen now, you have to ask her, out, for me cause I can’t do it cause I told ya I’ll go to jail.  So ask her out for me this Tuesday, so this way if she says YES, I can have time to scrounge up a few dollars to take her out for Friday or Saturday or something, alright?

You do that for me?  You think you could ask her out for me this Tuesday?

Joseph Arnone