Common Courtesy

Common Courtesy monologue explores basic common decency for your fellow person without trying to make a fuss without reaching your limit.

DARREN: Excuse me sir, would you mind smoking over there, or somewhere where I won’t breathe in your smoke?  (beat)  Excuse me?  You don’t need to say that. I’m being nice about it.  (beat)  I asked you nicely.  I’m only asking because I can’t breathe in the smoke fumes. I have an asthma condition.  (beat)  Why don’t I move?? Well, to be honest, you’re right, we’ll move out of your way. No problem.

(Darren moves with his friend)

Excuse me?  (beat) Look, please, we moved.  There’s no reason for anybody to—I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with, okay?  I apologize.  Seriously, enjoy your night.  Let’s part ways amicably.  We’re cool.  Really, sorry to have bothered you.

(Darren look at his arm and then down at the floor)

(to his friend)

Will, go back inside and I’ll be there in a minute.  This guys crazy but I just need to make a quick phone call if you don’t mind.  Thanks.  Yeah.  I’ll be right in.

(Putting his attention back on “the guy”)

You know, I’m sure flicking your cigarette at me wasn’t really the greatest idea you’ve ever had because now that my client’s gone back inside, he won’t see me putting a reasonably sized dent in your forehead.


What’s the matter?  (Darren stares at the guy)  …don’t let me see your face back inside this place.

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Joseph Arnone