Concrete Dinosaur Balls

Here’s a keynote speaker at a tech convention.  Why not?  Let’s call him V.T. BALLSTACK.

V.T. BALLSTACK:  Balls.  It takes balls.  You ask me how I’m successful?  Balls.  Concrete-Dinosaur-Balls.  Balls!  You understand?  Balls!

(points to an audience member) You, you’re a potato head.  You got no balls.  You know what you have?  Marble sized balls.

So how do you grow balls?

(wipes his forehead of sweat)

I’ll tell you how you grow balls.  You can’t.  You gotta be born with balls.  You gotta have it in your DNA baby.  You can’t just suddenly wake up one day and think to yourself, ‘Oh, I think I’ll have balls today.’  Won’t happen.  Balls.

(some shortness of breath)

You people understand?  You just need to accept the fact that your balls will always be small with everything you do.  Wanna get the girl?  No balls.  Wanna get that promotion? No balls.  Wanna start your own business?  No balls.  Wanna buy that sports car?  No balls.  No balls. No fucking balls!

(he suddenly holds his chest and coughs)

And you…fu–you…(quietly) and you have….

(he collapses to the floor)


Joseph Arnone


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