In this monologue, MARLON talks about how he tries to prevent himself from having bad thoughts.
MARLON: I get these wild projections…these thoughts, these wrongful thoughts. I imagine things and….it’s always wishing someone bad. Well, not necessarily wishing someone bad but having bad thoughts about a person.
Let me explain.
I spend a lot of wasted time trying to not think poorly of people I encounter or work with. I have a tendency to think that most people are not good people. I always have a feeling that someone is usually against me or out to hurt me in some way. Perhaps it’s trust issues. It takes quite a bit of time before I can say I trust someone. Maybe that’s a good thing, sort of a defense mechanism but…I would like to be more forthcoming in developing new relationships or fixing the ones I currently have without having such dark projections.
And what makes it worse is that these dark viewpoints that I create, make me believe that a person is a certain way, when it’s only a figment of my imagination.
I don’t want to have these thoughts anymore, I only want to judge a character by their actions, not by my negative mental creations…
But my gut plays with my mind. My gut is always right and I mean always…I go with my instinct but my head gets in the way….so that’s why I just kill them off, you know? One by one when the time is right. I strangle, poison, stab, shoot…I do all kinds of shit to remove the problem, whoever I think is the problem. I know I shouldn’t but, it’s really the only way I can get through life..knowing I remove the problem from my mind, so I don’t think about someone wronging me anymore.
It’s like a ‘get them before they get me’ sort of thing, right? I probably shouldn’t do it but I just can’t help myself.
That’s why you’re here now. You see, you always made me uneasy. Every time we were in that break room together. Always looking over my shoulder. I didn’t like it. I always felt like you were telling Jack things about me because he asked you to keep tabs. Now Jack, I could have went for him instead but it wasn’t the right play. All you had to do was refuse to be a snitch Ray but the juice in the turkey was too good to pass up, right big boy?
But that’s okay. Listen, hey, we’re still friends, okay? We have all the time in the world now together and this can be our break room. Do you like the sound of that? Yeah?