Death Was The Only Option

This is a comedic skit for two people. One male and one female.

Bench – Day

Saul: What am I supposed to do, Jenni?
Jenni: Just leave her already. Obviously she keeps making your life a living hell. Walk.
Saul: It’s not that simple, she’s my wife.
Jenni: So what? That’s what divorce is for.
Saul: We have kids.
Jenni: I’m sure your children will grow up and understand.
Saul: She’s pregnant.
Jenni: That’s perfectly fine.
Saul: She’s about to give birth within the month.
Jenni: Dude, lighten up.
Saul: Her mother is dying…any day now.
Jenni: Bro, leave now and get there early.
Saul: We just bought a house.
Jenni: Put that shit back on the market.
Saul: So you really think I should leave her then?
Jenni: I can’t be anymore emphatic.


Saul: How are things with you?
Jenni: I just killed my husband.
Saul: Really?
Jenni: Two days ago. Drowned him in the pool. Well, first I hit him in the head with a brick when his back was turned to me, while he was standing on the deck. After I smashed him, he fell into the pool and drowned on his own.
Saul: Then what happened?
Jenni: Called the police. They said he must have hit his head on the edge of the pool before falling in. I went right along…
Saul: Well yeah, of course.
Jenni: I’m not going to admit to that shit.
Saul: Right. (beat) Can I ask you something though?
Jenni: Shoot.
Saul: Why did you do it?
Jenni: Boredom.
Saul: Couldn’t you just leave him?
Jenni: Death was the only option.
Saul. Right.


Saul: Beautiful day out.
Jenni: It really is.
Saul: I love when there’s a cool breeze on a warm day.
Jenni: Soothing.


Jenni: Well, it was good seeing you. (Jenni stands)
Saul: Right.
Jenni: I better be off now.
Saul: Okey, dokey. (Saul stands)
Jenni: Let me know when you leave your wife. I’m single now so, you know, we may be a viable option.
Saul: As long as there’s no brick hitting and pool drowning. Hahaha.
Jenni: Hahaha, right, right, I know right?
Saul: Yeah.

(they hug)

Jenni: Call me.
Saul: You bet.

Joseph Arnone


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