First Kiss At Camp

In this monologue, Linda talks to her boyfriend about her childhood camp memories, revealing a humiliating experience she had with her first kiss.

LINDA: First time I ever kissed a boy was at summer camp.  I was in a row boat competition.  It was a “who can row the fastest” competition and this kid Josh and I came in first place together.

We were so excited we ran off together towards the woods.  It was then that Josh kissed me, right up against the tree.  But then something drastically went wrong.  I had braces and…so did he.  Our faces or I should say, teeth locked together as one.  We couldn’t separate!

We had to walk back through the woods and all the way across the entire camp with our faces mended together.  This caused such an uproar!  EVERYBODY took notice of us and started watching.  By the time we found the first camp counselor, we had a crowd surrounding us.

I was never so embarrassed in all my life.  And to make it worse, the counselor kept asking us stupid questions like, “What happened here?  How could this have happened?”  And Josh and I are trying to talk and explain while drool is leaking out the side of our mouths.  Horrifying!

Eventually, paramedics came and they used some sort of separation clippers to detach our mouths.  We had to sit on a log and wait for them to arrive.  It must have took forever and the whole time we were waiting the other kids were either laughing, teasing or asking us more dumb questions.

That was my first kiss ever…what was yours like?

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Joseph Arnone