In this short comedic script for 1 woman 1 man, First Reaction takes us through a strange and awkward first date with offbeat humor.
- Download the free .pdf screenplay version: FIRST REACTION
Rene: I’m gonna order the fish and some salad, you?
Dill: Eh, I’m looking at the steak and I’m gonna grab some salad, too.
Rene: I know this is awkward. Maybe we should just talk about it out in the open.
Dill: Talk about what?
Rene: Come on Dill, don’t make it worse than it already is…please.
Dill: It didn’t bother me, it’s fine.
Rene: Honestly, it’s all I keep thinking about. It shouldn’t have happened.
Dill: No, no, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have stopped short the way I did while driving.
Rene: It wasn’t your fault.
Dill: Isn’t that what caused it to happen?
Rene: It was already on the tipping point.
Rene: Yes, yes it was. When you slammed on the breaks, it was unavoidable.
Dill: At least we can agree on the fact that I’m partially to blame.
Rene: If I would have kept myself together…
Dill: If I didn’t suddenly stop short…
Rene: The second one was all me.
Dill: Well that, that was something else. Yeah, I have no idea what happened there. I mean, after the first one, I made sure I drove calm and cool, as calm and cool as I possi—
Rene: I know you did and I appreciate you doing that.
Dill: Waiter is taking for—
Rene: I just want to say that I’m sorry.
Dill: Look, it happens. Maybe not as often as it has happened THUS FAR (nervous laugh) but you know, it’s cool…maybe—
Rene: I don’t like you. No offense, but the truth about it is that my screams are a reaction to your face.
Dill: What exactly are you saying?
Rene: I’m saying that my first reaction to you, on this blind date of ours and me screaming, are connected.
Dill: Connected? I thought it was because I stopped the car short while driving?
Rene: That was coincidental, it was bound to happen at any minute, regardless.
Dill: No kidding?
Rene: Dead serious.
Dill: Hmmm. Are you still getting the fish?
Rene: The fish? Yes.
Dill: Right. (beat) Right. Yeah. So. Um. Uh. Why don’t you like me?
Rene: I loathe you. Well, not now, scratch that. I like you now…moderately. You’ve shown patience and understanding and that’s important to me.
Dill: Is it?
Dill: Well, my parents raised me to be a gentleman.
Rene: I see.
Dill: That’s the problem with men today, isn’t it?
Rene: What is?
Dill: Oh, treating a woman with class, instead of like property or worse. It’s just considered so old fashioned and it shouldn’t be. I want to bring class back. There needs to be a renaissance in terms of how men treat women.
Rene: I couldn’t agree more.
Dill: That’s right. I mean, what’s wrong with a man opening up a door for a woman? Or holding her hand while going out for a walk? What’s wrong with a beautiful woman such as yourself blasting out scream after scream after high pitched scream, relentlessly and unabashedly, while on our way to this expensive restaurant…RIGHT?
Rene: Wow, you’re starting to turn me on.
Dill: Am I? Good! Let the wind fly baby cause I’m coming out!!! Because that is what I believe dammit and someone needs to say it and I just said it, so there it is!
Rene kisses Dill with the longest, deepest, most passionate kiss ever planted on a man.
Rene sits back in her chair.
Dill: Was that real?
Dill: I liked that.
Rene: Bet you did.
Dill: This is the…this is the greatest night of my life.
Dill: Yes, Rene?
Rene: Dill, I don’t feel like screaming anymore.
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