In this short contemporary acting scene for two actors, KITTY and MORSE are friends for years who meet regularly for company. This is lighthearted comedy.
- Download the free .pdf screenplay version: Fresh Air
Morse: Life has been a piling up of one shitty day after the other for me lately.
Kitty: Why do you say that?
Morse: Because I can’t take all this pressure I have on me. Soon as I get rid of one headache, two more seem to get dumped on me in its place.
Kitty: Go on a vacation?
Morse: Can’t do holidays, Kit. If I go away, everything is likely to crumble.
Kitty: Work sucks.
Morse: Say that again…
Kitty: Work sucks.
Kitty: Pulled my back yesterday.
Morse: I didn’t notice. You okay?
Kitty: Eh. That’s cause you met me while I’m sitting. If I stand up I see stars.
Morse: Why the hell did you meet with me then? We could have gotten together next weekend.
Kitty: Eh, I needed some fresh air.
Morse: Fresh air? Open a window.
Kitty: S’not enough. It’s good to conversate.
Morse: You could have opened a window and called me on the phone.
Kitty: You know what I mean, don’t you?
(Kitty looks into Morse’s eyes)
Morse: Sure, I understand, Kitty pie. How’s Morris?
Kitty: Still limping.
Morse: How old is that cat now…twenty-two?
Kitty: Going on twenty-two years.
Morse: No shit.
Kitty: Yeah, yeah. He’s seen it all with me.
Morse: That’s rare.
Kitty: Yeah. Doctor says he can be around another five years.
Morse: You’re kidding?
Morse: He’s gonna out live me that cat.
Kitty: Probably if you keep puffing on those things.
Morse: Yeah, I know. But I figure, what the hell’s the point in stopping now.
Kitty: Never too late.
Morse: Believe me, it won’t do much good.
(Kitty suddenly lets out an aching pain)
You alright? You okay?
Kitty: The back. Getting worse. Thought by moving it around I’d loosen it up a bit. No such luck. It’s like a vise that keeps tightening. Feel like it’s going to snap me in two.
Morse: Take anything for it?
Kitty: I took an aspirin but what’s the sense. I’m immune to medicine.
Morse: Want me to crack your back?
Kitty: Are you kidding?
Morse: Not at all. It might do the trick.
Kitty: Morse, please, you might outright kill me and you’d have to live with that.
Morse: Kitty pie, I can just nudge the vertebrae and I bet you a bundle that it will free up your back some.
Kitty: How do we do this?
(Morse stands up)
Morse: Stand up.
(Kitty tries to stand and Morse helps her all the way)
Morse: Now…I go from behind and I put my arms over your chest?
Kitty: My chest? Forget it! Forget it!
Morse: I’m not trying to cop a feel, Kitty.
Kitty: Believe me, I can use a feel but that’s not the issue.
Morse: What then?
Kitty: I don’t have no bra on and I’m sagging all over the place.
Morse: I think that’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard in—
Kitty: I don’t want you to hurt me.
Morse: Kitty, I would never hurt you. I’d kill myself first before I ever thought of hurting you.
Kitty: Well, I don’t need to additional agony. Knowing you, I’ll end up in the hospital and then forget it, you might as well call the funeral home.
Morse: All I have to do is put my arms over your chest and gently raise you up above the ground and crack your back with a slight jiggle.
Kitty: That sounds insane!
Morse: No. it’s not. I used to crack Elizabeth’s back all the time.
Kitty: look how she turned out. Crippled.
Morse: That had nothing to do with me cracking her back.
Kitty: Forget it. I rather have the pain.
Morse: Just give it one try. Do something adventurous for once in your miserable life.
Kitty: Okay, you bastard. Crack my back but if you kill me, I swear I’ll kill ya.
Morse: Don’t worry. This will only take a second.
(Morse gets in position. He stands behind Kitty. He places his arms across her chest and gently raises her in the air at a slight angle and sets her back down immediately on the ground)
(Kitty is standing frozen and not moving)
Morse: Kitty? Kitty? Kitty, are you okay? Say something. Kitty? Kitty?!
(Kitty breaks into a dance)
Kitty: I feel happy, so happy and freeee.
Morse: Are you cured?
Kitty: I cannot believe it? I have no pain whatsoever. You fixed my back you magic man you! I’m so happy!
Kitty: Thank you so much Morse!
(They hug and then their embrace becomes attraction. Morse kisses her one tap on her lips)
(they slowly come apart)
Morse: I’m sorry Kitty. I don’t know what came over me. I was sort of lost in the moment for a second there.
(Kitty sits down)
Are you mad at me?
(tears in her eyes)
Kitty: I ain’t mad at you. No ones ever kissed me since Jack passed.
(Morse sits beside Kitty)
Morse: I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.
Kitty: Do it again.
Morse: You want me to kiss you again, Kitty?
(Kitty closes her eyes and puckers up her lips unmovingly)
(Morse leans in to kiss Kitty. This time for a count of five seconds)
That was nice.
Kitty: I taste hotdog with ketchup.
Morse: Excuse me. Yeah. I slammed a dog before I met you today. On my way over.
Kitty: Well, I guess you’ll have to buy mints from now on before seeing me.
Morse: Mints it is.
(Morse sits back, placing his arm round Kitty. They stare out together)