Get Pumped

In Get Pumped, Doug is trying to help out his friend Jeffrey.  Jeffrey has never worked out at the gym a day in his life and Doug is a regular for years.  This monologue is just a silly moment between two friends.

DOUG: Jeff, listen to me—don’t get insulted alright…but you never did this before and you have to start out slow.  Don’t worry cause there isn’t alot of women around, which is why we came at this time.  Take these two ten pound dumb bells and we are going, well, YOU are going to do a set of ten.  Huh?  Yeah, don’t worry about that old man in the corner using the same weight as you.  Listen, listen, listen, TRUST ME BRO…I am here to help you out.  TRUST ME.  In three months you will be lifting eighty five pound bells, okay?  Alright?  You gotta trust me.  By next week we will move you to more weight.  But you have to start off this way because it’s the proper way to do it.


Let’s get started.  Just as I showed you before.  A set of ten.  Go ahead bro.  One, two, three, four—

(a hot blond walks by out of nowhere)

Oh hey Susie…(kisses Susie hello) Oh yeah, he’s using the cute little ten pound weights.  Yeah.  hahaha…YEAH.

(to Jeffrey)

Why’d you stop?  You finished?  Alright, count to thirty and do another set of ten bro.

(back to Susie)

I don’t want him to strain himself.  Yeah.  hahaha.  Okay sweety, I’ll see you later.

(back to Jeffrey)

You ready bro?  What?  What’s wrong?  Embarrassed?  What are you talking about bro?  No, don’t worry about that?  Yeah, the hot girls come later but she came early.  What do you want me to tell you?  Nah, you don’t look like a wimp.  No, you aren’t ready for the twenties, not with those spaghetti arms of yours.  TRUST ME.  Let’s do another set, come on…


(another beautiful woman comes walking over)

Hey Margaret.  How are you honey?  Using the forties today huh?  Wow, impressive.  Oh, this is my friend Jeff, he’s new.  Yeah, I have him on tens right now but OBVIOUSLY you can see that, right?  hahaha  He’ll be fine, he’ll be fine.  What are you up to this weekend?  Oh yeah?  I’ll give you a call, maybe we’ll hook up.  Alright, alright good hon.  Bye.

(to Jeffrey)

Did you feel that one?  Huh?  Why did I tell her you were using tens?  Because it’s better to say it aloud, than try to act like your’ lifting heavier weight.  TRUST ME.  I said it to spare you from feeling silly.  I won’t mention it to anyone if it makes you happy, okay?  Bro, you are fine.  They don’t care if—(he sees both girls talking, laughing and pointing) Oh, never mind…What?  No, they aren’t laughing at you…They weren’t pointing at you Jeff.  They probably like you is all.  Don’t sweat it.


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Joseph Arnone


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