FAGEN talks to his digital voice recorder, which he keeps as his personal journal, about his latest experiences with his girlfriend.
FAGEN: Everything we had in the beginning of our relationship seems to have just flown out the window and landed dead smack on the ground. It’s a slow, cruel evaporation…watching. I watch our relationship crumble like chips of old paint falling off a lonely ceiling.
Nothing works. Yelling, punching walls, kicking tables, crying….talking. It’s a never ending cycle of bullshit. When we have a good day, it’s like winning the lottery, almost too good to be true but as sure as the sun sets every night, SOMETHING will stir inside one of us and morph into a larger species of hatred and self-destruction.
I want to be happy. For once in my life, I want to be CONSISTENTLY happy. Not in these, these, these little spurts and glitters of joy. I want to feel rich in my heart all the time, not occasionally. I don’t want an occasional relationship.
…I need understanding…
I want to be treated with good manners. I want to be treated kind. Somewhere along the way in our relationship, we lost a sense of that. How do we get that back? Is it even worth fighting for?