Growing A Full Mustache

In this teen guy monologue, Tim is frustrated over the annoying fact that he can’t seem to grow a full on mustache at 19 years of age.  

Tim: I’m nineteen years old and I still can’t grow a full on mustache.  (pointing above his upper lip)  Look at this!  I’m a complete joke.  My younger brother can grow a beard in two weeks time.

Man, I look like such an ass.  Just peach fuzz.  Face of a boy.  I look like I’m twelve.

Nobody takes me seriously, no matter how intelligent I sound when I say things.  I’m always getting smiled at and patted on the head like a damn puppy.

It’s not fair.  I’ve tried working out, to bulk up cause I figured adding muscle would spike my respect but I took one foot inside a gym and was laughed at by the receptionist.  She thought I was under age.  Even the gym manager came over and told me I could damage my muscles cause I was too young.  When I told him I was nineteen, him and the receptionist burst out laughing.  I left the gym in shame.

I had the driving instructor make me send for my parents because he thought I was cheating my way to getting a license because I looked so young.

I’ll never get into a club.  I’ll never get a girlfriend.  That’s why I bought this…

(he pulls out a stick on mustache and puts it on)

You see?  This is the way to go.  Any man that can grow a mustache this thick, must be taken seriously.


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Joseph Arnone


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