In this teen guy monologue, Tim is frustrated over the annoying fact that he can’t seem to grow a full on mustache at 19 years of age.
Tim: I’m nineteen years old and I still can’t grow a full on mustache. (pointing above his upper lip) Look at this! I’m a complete joke. My younger brother can grow a beard in two weeks time.
Man, I look like such an ass. Just peach fuzz. Face of a boy. I look like I’m twelve.
Nobody takes me seriously, no matter how intelligent I sound when I say things. I’m always getting smiled at and patted on the head like a damn puppy.
It’s not fair. I’ve tried working out, to bulk up cause I figured adding muscle would spike my respect but I took one foot inside a gym and was laughed at by the receptionist. She thought I was under age. Even the gym manager came over and told me I could damage my muscles cause I was too young. When I told him I was nineteen, him and the receptionist burst out laughing. I left the gym in shame.
I had the driving instructor make me send for my parents because he thought I was cheating my way to getting a license because I looked so young.
I’ll never get into a club. I’ll never get a girlfriend. That’s why I bought this…
(he pulls out a stick on mustache and puts it on)
You see? This is the way to go. Any man that can grow a mustache this thick, must be taken seriously.