I’ve Never Worn High Heels

In the monologue I’ve Never Worn High Heels, Shahla is with her friend, trying to get used to wearing her first pair of high heel shoes.  

(walking in high heels, almost falling over)

SHAHLA: Whoa! (clears her throat)  (giggling) They feel really, REALLY, strange.  Whoa!  (As if on a tight rope)

Okay, okay, okay, okay, I’m going to walk from here to YOU!  Okay.  Okay, now.  You ready?  Are you ready to catch me if I fall?  haha.  Okay.

(she goes for it slowly but then losing her balance gains momentum, causing her to take faster steps until she almost falls when reaching her friend.)

Ahhh!  Ahhh!  I’m okay.  (laughing) I’m okay.

(she laughs uncontrollably)

How does my mom do it?  What the hell?  I don’t get it?  Why would women want to walk around like ducks?!  I feel like a DUCK!  Or a PENGUIN!!  That’s it, I feel like a penguin!  haha.  Jes’.

(she gets back up, carefully keeping herself still in one position)

There.  At least I can stand!  God, the back strap keeps digging into the back of my foot.  Whew!  They should have training school for these things.  They look nice though?  Should I buy them?  I have to learn how to walk in them first but if I buy them, I’ll have plenty of time to practice.  That’s for sure.

I’ll buy them!  Yaaaaaay!  My first pair of HIGH HEELS!!! (almost falling from excitement) Whoa!  Okay, I’m done now.

(she takes off the high heels)

What a workout!

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Joseph Arnone