In this monologue, Jane is sitting around a kitchen table having coffee and cake with her closest friends. The women all share stories of teasing and playing practical jokes on their children. Jane shares a recent story of a joke she played on her son unbeknownst to him.
JANE: Ha, ha, ha, ha. That is a good one Fran. Ha, ha, ha. I have to try that sometime. Ha, ha, ha. Clever. Very clever, I love it!
Okay, okay. Do you know what I did to MY son recently?. Lately he’s been “discovering” himself. I found his collection in his bedroom. I found them when I was changing his sheets one morning after he left for school. He keeps them under his mattress. Ha, ha, ha. Not the greatest of hiding spots, let’s face it.
So anyway, I waited. I waited to catch him in the act. A few days ago I told him that I was leaving to go grocery shopping. It was just me and him in the house, so he’d be home alone after I left. Ha, ha, ha. So, I made it sound like I left the house, I even called up to him from downstairs to say goodbye and then I closed the door extra hard to make it appear like I left. Ha, ha, ha.
So I waited. Sure enough, not even five minutes later, I hear him playing his movies in his bedroom. So I waited another few minutes and I snuck upstairs with a basket of finished laundry. I make it to the top of the stairs and barge right into his room all innocent and I said, ‘Here’s your laundry honey.’
My son leaps ten feet in the air as if he were Michael Jordan and he starts screaming, “Mom, knock! Mom, knock!”
I was like, (angry tone) ‘What are you doing? What are you watching?!’ My son turned milky white.
I said, ‘Here’s your laundry, I’m going grocery shopping now.’
I left the house and I couldn’t stop laughing for over an hour!!! Call me a mean mother but that, Oh God, that was so worth it. Ha, ha, ha.