Mad Mike

In this serio-comedy monologue Mad Mike, a teenager raps in front of his full length mirror imagining himself to be the most famous rap star ever.

MICHAEL:

“I was in my Mercedes checking out the ladies,

along came a girl who said she was crazy,

I opened my door to let her in,

I said, “Yo baby, wanna go for a spin?”

We went around the block a couple of times,

she said, “Stop the car!” and I—

(mother calls him for dinner)

What?!  Okay, okay…I said OKAY!

(beat)

I HEARD YOU MA!  OKAAAAAAAAY!

(back to mirror)

Yeah, uh huh, yeah…whattup whattup?  Yeah, what up son?  Yeah dog, I ain’t clowning, I ain’t clowning dog.  Yeah, you frontin’, yo you frontin’?  Yo, stop clowning dog.  Yeah, yeah, yeah!!!

Yeah, I’m a rapper, I’m a rap star.  Yo, for shizzle my nizzle little sizzle.  Yeah,  yo they call me MAD MIKE.  YEAH!  Ta-dow!  Mad Mike son!  Psssf!  Psssf!   What?  What?!

Aight!  Aight!  Don’t hate the–

(mother calls her son AGAIN for dinner)

Mom, I’ll be right down! I’m coming! God!  I can’t do nothing!  Yeah, okay ma!!!

(looks back in the mirror)

Don’t hate the player, hate the game…

(he walks out of his bedroom)

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Joseph Arnone

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