Magical Book of Existence

In this serio-comedic monologue, AUTHOR is a man who has created a Youtube advertisement video that discusses a life changing magical book.

AUTHOR:  Hi, pardon the interruption cause I know you are waiting to get to your video but give me a quick second here to ask you, Why are you going to that video?  Is it going to give you pleasure and happiness? Truth be told, it won’t.  You know why? Cause you’re an absolute douchebag.  Yes, it’s true.  You..are..a..douchebag.

Am I on to something?

You see, this isn’t like the other videos.  I’m not going to sugarcoat some get rich quick scheme or teach you how to become a millionaire overnight.  You know why?  Because you won’t.  I’ve made this video to tell you that you have no hope in becoming successful at anything you do.  You are a waste of human space and you know it.

Don’t you?

Yes, someone somewhere has to tell you this because you are living false dreams.  False ideals, thinking, hoping, imagining and never doing because you can’t.  You can’t because you are a lazy, procrastinating, lying, sack of do nothing all day shit who likes to go on the internet and do nothing with your time and life and will continue to do so because you have no goals, no motivation, no hustle, no energy because you eat shit food all day like burgers and hot dogs and other toxic food that’s making you weak and pale and sick and worthless…yes, you.

There are no links to this video.  This is just simply my message to you, to remind you of who you are and who you will always forever and ever be.

Now, please, enjoy whatever video it is you were about to watch and enjoy the rest of your miserable wasteful day, you pathetic scum of invisible nothingness.


(brief moment and then)

….WAIT!  I was just messing with you.  There is a small glimmer of light that is still shining on you…here it is…ready?  If you really, really, really, really want to be something in life and I mean, genuinely and with all your heart…then you see this book?

(he holds up a book)

This is my book…a book that will alter the path of your life and make you turn into the dream of yourself.  This is a magical book because it changes lives.  Listen!  If you held this book in your hands and opened it up, you will transform into the most successful human being you imagine yourself being.  No work is required…

There is no reading involved…there is no purchase involved…all you have to do is hold this book and open it one single time.  That’s all you have to do.

Do you want to know how to get your own copy of this book?  Each book is designed to fit the specific needs of the person who opens it…each book is specifically catered to YOU and you alone.

Do you truly want to have your own special copy of this magical book? Hmmm?

I’ll tell you what…you have to find me.  You have to track me down.  There is no email, no phone number, no address, no existence of me…all there is, is this video you’ve just watched…you cannot trace my account…you have to start from nothing.

Do you think you can find me to get this book?  I will leave you off with this…what do you think is inside your own book?

Think about the answer to that question…


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Joseph Arnone