In My Current State of Existence, JOURNEE has been undergoing an emotional impairment within herself for quite some time.
Journee: It’s been a long time. My life is much different now. I often wonder if it’s still not too late.
The most severe aspect of it all for me is that I still haven’t yet come to grips with time. I put so much time into it. Years. Many years.
I’m at a point where I don’t know if I love it the way I used to love it. In fact, I’m not so sure I ever really loved it to begin with.
Maybe it was all a distraction, an excuse…
If I go back, I know it’s going to be something that alters my current state of existence. It’s an enormous commitment. Not sure I have the strength.
It’s a strange place to be in. It’s like being held captive inside your own skin.
The decision is all mine but there’s so much garbage to sort through first, before I can see clearly enough.
I’m an emotional hoarder. Old feelings I need to free myself from and I’m—I think I’m not trying hard enough to break free because of what it has always meant to me.
If I let these feelings go, what will be left? What if there is nothing? No. That can’t be the case. I am sure there will be something. A new start?
I don’t know anymore. I do know that I need to do something. Something! Anything! I must break out of myself! I must!
I can’t stay trapped here like this. Alone! Always alone! Always!
It must come from me. Before it’s too late. It will come from me.