Nitty Gritty

In this crime drama script, Nitty Gritty, NED and OWEN decide to go through with a ‘job’ in order to keep good relations with other gang rivals. 

The script takes place around 1890. Both men speak with heavy Irish accents.

  • Download the free .pdf screenplay version:  Nitty Gritty

Nitty Gritty

NED MCGILLAN and his crew drink beer and smoke cigars. A man hanging upside down on a chain stirs awake.

The man’s fear causes him to swing from side to side from the chain.

NED: Aye…swinging like a leaf, that one, yerrr.

OWEN: Hahaha, look at ’em go some.

NED: Ain’t never seen no one get that sort a height before.

All the men laugh.

Ned and Owen walk away from the crew of men and talk privately while staring at the swinging man.

OWEN: What do ya think, Ned?

NED: Ya know what I think. We have to do him in or else it’s trouble with Friscos.

OWEN: We ain’t afraid of the Friscos, are we Ned?

NED: Aye. But this is business strategy is all.

OWEN: Should I get a start on ’em then?

NED: Not. I’ll do the kicking, Bobby will do the washing.

OWEN: Where’s my hand?

NED: You already did the catching.

OWEN: Yeah, but I want to bite his face…just a nibble.

NED: Granted.

Owen steps up to the swinging man and bites his nose off and spits it back at the man, who screams wildly.

Aye. He was gonna be your brother-in-law, Owen.

OWEN: Aye. This is business.

NED: Aye.

Ned walks up to the hanging man and stares into his eyes.

NED: You see, I don’t ask questions, lad. Questions, bore me. I only ask one question but I don’t ask the question until I know for certain that you’re ready.  I much rather go straight to the nitty gritty and then, once we reach a certain place, I’m gonna ask ya the one question that we both know you’ve been brought here to answer.

First, we’re gonna break your toes with a sledge. Not too bad none, but then, we’re gonna work our way upwards to the ankles, break them both on up to your shins and the shins is when you’re really gonna wish you weren’t here. But the real kicker, is the thighs; once we get past the thighs, you’ll lose all feeling and by the time we get to your hips, you would have shit and pissed yourself all over and the only way you’re gonna know, is by the smell of it. And then Sweet Bobby is gonna come for ya with a long fu’kin rod and he’s gonna jam that long fu’kin’ rod up your rear, until it can’t go any further and Sweet Bobby, goes deep.

If ya make it that far, there’s still hope for ya, cause that’s when I’m gonna ask ya my one and only question. And if ya answer, with the correct fu’kin answer…well then, I guess you’ll just walk your way home.

That’s how we’re gonna work ya. Even if ya gave me the right answer now, it won’t do you any good because you have to do it the way I like to do it and this is the only way that I like to do it.

So, now that I’ve explained it all to ya…(he smiles) we begin.

Joseph Arnone


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