Normal Conditions

Normal Conditions has elements of drama and comedy rolled into it.  2 male characters who live in a mental institution.  5-10 minutes.

Normal Conditions

Peppe tugs on Lobo’s tooth with a cloth.

LOBO: Ow. Damn it! You need to yank it harder. Harder!

PEPPE: Okay, okay.

Peppe gives a final tug to Lobo’s tooth, which comes undone.

LOBO: Yes, yes, yes! You got it that time. You’re a genius.

PEPPE: Where should I put it?

LOBO: Give it to Nurse Harriet.

PEPPE: Yeah, but…

LOBO: What?

PEPPE: She’s gonna get mad.

LOBO: …I want her to get mad.

PEPPE: But she will lock us in solitary confinement.

LOBO: Let her!

PEPPE: I don’t want to go back into those dark shadows. There’s evil spirits.

LOBO: No there’s not.

PEPPE: Something was feeding on my ankle. It was chewing.

LOBO: If it’s solitary confinement, wouldn’t you be alone?

PEPPE: Yes, under normal conditions but it’s a spiritual room with darkness all around.

LOBO: I’ve been in there loads of times.

PEPPE: You’ve never encountered anything?

LOBO: …Maybe.

PEPPE: What does maybe mean?

LOBO: I like going in there is all I’m going to say about it.

PEPPE: If you don’t tell me, I won’t give your tooth over to Nurse Harriet.

LOBO: Give me my tooth.


LOBO: I said give me my freaking tooth.

PEPPE: Don’t make me swallow it.

Peppe puts Lobo’s tooth in his mouth.

LOBO: I will cut it out of you!

PEPPE: Don’t make me do it! Tell me!

LOBO: Alright you bstrd. I despise you, you freak. I was in there, in that sh’thole you dred but I like it. I have friends in there and so I try to go as often as I can, to get away. I want to get the hell out of this craggy, pathetic existence and the only way I can possibly come close, is by going into solitary confinement.

PEPPE: But, what kind of friends do you have there?

LOBO: It’s the most magical place. There are dinosaur birds that fly overhead and ice cream soda pop covered mountains. All you do is grab a bucket or a jar and dip it in the stream and give it a spin. I have this one friend of mine, he’s a time traveler, he fixes things like history cause he manipulates time in such a way that he makes things better for humanity. Great guy. He doesn’t always succeed but he’s changed some pretty terrible outcomes. He’s from the year 2145 and he works for the government but decided to go rogue and fly indie but they are after him but he visits me because no one will ever think of searching for him in solitary confinement.

PEPPE: Do you think he can visit me?

LOBO: I can ask him but I don’t know.

PEPPE: Oh, please ask him, please.

LOBO: Can I have my tooth back?

Peppe hands Lobo his tooth.

PEPPE: Will you talk to him?

LOBO: Yes.

PEPPE: Thanks Lobo, thanks.

LOBO: Now, I’m gonna hand this tooth over to Nurse Harriet and I’m gonna tell her that you are responsible for yanking it out from my mouth.

PEPPE: Okay. I’m ready.

LOBO: Listen, if he doesn’t want to see you, I’ll bring you back some candy.

PEPPE: Candy?

LOBO: Do you like candy?

PEPPE: I love candy.

LOBO: You have not had candy until you try the candy from where I get it.

PEPPE: Yeah?

LOBO: Colors you feel. You ever try those wine gums?

PEPPE: Wine gums…what’s a wine gum?

LOBO: They are like soft candies with flavor but the ones I get do things to you.

PEPPE: What kind of things?

LOBO: Anything you want. They are candy experiences. Tell me, what’s something you wish you could do if you weren’t in here?

PEPPE: Umm, I’d like to fly.

LOBO: Really?

PEPPE: Yeah!

LOBO: Okay. I will bring back a sweet that will give you the power to fly.

PEPPE: You’re joking?

LOBO: But you can’t tell anybody. If you tell one person, it will disappear and there will be no way of proving it anyway.

PEPPE: Right.

LOBO: When you are in solitary confinement, you will be given the candy and you will be able to fly.

PEPPE: Who…who’s gonna give me the candy?

LOBO: It will be left for you. Check all the corners of the room. It will be placed there.

PEPPE: I’m scared.

LOBO: Do you want the experience or not?

PEPPE: I do but I’m nervous about it.

LOBO: You will be free. Just for a moment or two…you will be set free. Trust me, alright?

PEPPE: I’ll trust you, Lobo.


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Joseph Arnone