In this comedy monologue, POP talks to his wife about the nutter their daughter is dating.

POP:  We need to talk.  Listen…our daughter is dating an absolute nutter.  Shhh, shhhh, come here.  Earlier this morning, before him and I left the house together to go fishing, he was outside smoking a fag and do you know what he was doing?  The bloke was having an in depth conversation with absolutely no one.  That’s right.  He was going at it alone.  The bloody fool is off his rocker.  A complete nutter!

I went to wake him up in his bedroom and his bed was empty, so I went into the kitchen and out there on the patio I overheard him talking cause the door was slightly open.  At first, I thought he was on the tele but I snuck a peek out the window and saw him, clear as an eagle sees its prey, him talking to absolutely no one.  No phone.  No ear piece.  Nobody else!  Not even a doggy or an animal or anything.

Then I thought, alright, the blokes gotta be rehearsing something, maybe wants to ask me for my daughter’s hand in marriage but that wasn’t it cause I heard what he was saying…get this…talking about skinning a man alive!  He had a threatening voice on and he was going at it like he was threatening someone’s life, talking bout, “I’m gonna cut your balls off and feed it to my dog and on and on…”.

What do we do?  He is a complete nutter.  Than he comes back into the house all smile faced and charming asking me if I’d eaten breakfast yet.  I thought at some point on the boat he was gonna whack me over the head and dump me in the water.  Worst fishing experience of my life!  I’m lucky I made it back in one piece, I’ll tell ya.  The man is insane.

We have to get him away from our daughter before it’s too late.

Monologues from Plays

Monologues From Plays


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Joseph Arnone