In the comedic monologue Paying The Price, Mark sits on a chair appearing as though he were a human pretzel, while attending an outdoor wedding.
Mark screams in pain.
Mark: (to himself) Ahgod! Uh, hhh, haaa…(strained voice to the woman beside him) It’s okay, I’m okay, please don’t be alarmed. (exhales in relief) Got my wind back, I’m good, I’m good. (sighs)
(normal voice) I helped my best friend move yesterday and as you can see, I now look like a human pretzel.
Believe me, I truly mean no disrespect having my rear in your face like this—if you want to move seats, I will totally understand…
…Enjoying the party? (beat) Oh, good, good…from what I gather it seems as if everyone is having a grand old time….do you mind if I ah, could you be so kind as to pass me that napkin? (beat) Thank you…it’s the drool, this posture leads to drooling and in order to avoid looking any more than a twisted hunk of metal, I must wipe—you get it.
Pain reliever? I’m on everything. I think I’m gonna go ahead and hire a few guys with shovels to beat me with the hopes of realigning my body…
You know what the problem is? Loyalty. I’m too loyal of a friend to say no and I’m always paying the price.
(sarcastic infomercial voice) “Need to push a car up a mountain? Call MARK!” “Need to borrow a ton of cash without paying back? Call MARK!” “Need a place to crash for a few years? Call MARK!”
I’m Mark by the way, in case you—but you can call me Pretzel…CATHY! Hi, Cathy, nice to meet you, wish I could see more than just your profile but from this angle you have a very friendly face.
Come here often? I mean, that is to say, have you ever been at this location for a wedding before? (beat) Neither have I. Had no idea we’d be in a meadow this deep into the forrest, during a record breaking heat wave! But who’s checking, right?
…Rash? Oh, yes…yes, my ankles. I must have stepped into some poison ivy on the long hike up here. Oh look! There goes Jenny and Todd who promised to give me a ride. Guess it slipped their minds. But here I am.
Wouldn’t miss it for the world.