A Performance of Eating Food

A Performance of Eating Food is a male comedy monologue, MEL digs into his friend about the way he eats his food.

MEL:  You have no awareness of yourself do you?  You eat like you’ve escaped from captivity.  Do you know what a feral child is?  (beat)  That’s you.  Full grown.  You’re new name is Franky Feral because you eat like a freaking animal.  Hovering and slobbering over your food like it’s gonna get up and run away from you.  Where is it going?  Why do you do that?  The way you hover over your food like that.  What is that?  You afraid you’re gonna die before you finish your meal or what?  Just eat your food calmly.  You know, I’m trying to eat my food, too.  I gotta see you contort and twist your face with each bite you take.  It’s like a performance of eating food.  It turns me off my own food.

(imitates how his friend eat his food)

What do you call that?  It’s gross.  Face the other way if you’re gonna eat like that.  And wipe your chin too, please.  You have mayo, mustard and a piece of turkey hanging off.  (he sighs)

(pause.)

I can’t even eat my meal man.  And I was starving.  I can’t even..forget it.  I’ll eat later.

Joseph Arnone

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