In Please Tell Me How, CORNELIA discusses how she has been coping with the loss of her father and seeks help in doing so.
Cornelia: I’ve recently realized that I’ve changed. I’ve become a different person and I’m not happy about it. I used to be more outgoing. I always took an interest in things, was always curious. Nowadays, I’m flat. Nothing inspires me. No films, books, friends…I used to walk through the woods with him and we would go on long hikes and talk for hours. We would climb trees or cross streams and sometimes bring sandwiches with us. He was a great dad.
I will go to our park, hoping that I will run into him there but I can only go so far…I can only reach the perimeter of the park. I never go further than that because I’m afraid it won’t be as magical as it was when he was here.
I don’t want to ruin all that I have left with him.
When he died I knew my life would be different, I just didn’t know it would be this different. Nothing feels real anymore. When I laugh it’s like going through the motions, it’s not real laughter from my heart…there’s a disconnect, like a wires been cut.
I try so hard to feel things. I want to feel things. I don’t want to feel like I’m not here!
It’s so hard for me. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get so upset. I don’t know how to continue without my father. I don’t want to stop missing him cause it’s—I just don’t want to let him go but—how do I move forward?
Please…tell me how.