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Remote Control of My Existence

In this monologue, IRA talks to his dog about coming to terms with the fog like existence he’s been living.

IRA: I’m an irrational man, spending my time trying to be rational.  That’s not Dostoevsky talking, that’s just a fact of my own shit life.

There’s a warm strobe like massage inside the inner workings of my skull, slithering round, trying to lick its way out.

Most days I never smile, almost as if I can’t…this one time I tried to have a genuine smile and I tried and tried and tried for about an hour in front of a mirror and all I could muster was a seesaw frown; completely vacant inside.  It was difficult to smile on that particular day.  It was a shit still day, that day.

I’m trapped in a concrete mold of my own mind.  I can think but physical action does not happen.  Like I lost the remote control of my existence.

I’m too dirty, too polluted…nothing can clean me now.  I think, I think that’s all there is…

Joseph Arnone

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