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Roadmap Leading To Nowhere

In this comedic monologue, Becka is driving without geolocation and must resort to using an actual roadmap with her boyfriend’s assistance. 

Becka:  Which way do I go?  Left or right?  (sighs)  Don’t you know?!  You’re supposed to be the navigator.  (beat)  It’s right there in front of you, just look at the map.  I can’t believe we don’t get reception out here.  Maps are so lame.  GPS is way better.

(beat)

Did you find the road?  What route?  So it’s a left?  Okay, I’ll make a left but wait a second.  Where are we?  We’re—this isn’t the same road, dude?  This is not a route…there is no route mentioned here…there are no signs, Jack!  Oh, there!

(reading and squinting)

It says…Maple Road.  (looking at him)  Just give me the map!  (beat)  Maple…Maple freaking Road, man.  (beat)  You found it?  LEFT?  Okay, I will make a left here and pray to God…(singing) it’s getting dark outside and we’re gonna be lost.

(under her breath)  I knew it.  I should have listened to my Mother.  (beat) Don’t worry about it.  Let’s just get there alive.

Joseph Arnone

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