Shower Hog

In this serio-comedic monologue, Barbara complains to her best friend about how her boyfriend takes way too long in the shower.

BARBARA: Hey!  Hey, Paul!  Come on, already.  I’ve been standing here naked for thirty-five minutes.  You said you wouldn’t be long and I’m freezing my tuskees off.

What did you die in there?  (beat) Well, hurry the hell up.  No consideration.  I was going to go in there first and you had to b-line right to the shower.  It doesn’t matter to you that I’m already naked under this robe and that I already had the shower running.  Right? Didn’t occur to you, you think?  Dimwit.  Care less about me as always.  To top it all off you’re in there for over half an hour and you take five minute showers.  It’s deliberate.  I know it is.  That’s okay. Revenge is a bitch, pal.  It’s coming.  I’ve got plans for you.

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Joseph Arnone