Side Face

In comedy monologue Side Face, Fran talks to her girlfriend’s about another date she had but this time the guy had really bad breath.

(Her left eye blinking and twitching wildly)

FRAN: My left eye actually still stings from the abuse it took sitting next to this guy in his car.  It was bad. It was really bad. The worst kind I ever experienced. I had to give him the side face the whole night.  When I first stepped into his car, I thought it was something in his car but as we drove off and got to talking, I placed the aroma, okay?

Like, what does it take to actually go brush your teeth and tongue? You know? I mean, come on, really. We joked about this type of thing before, haven’t we? People with bad breath…it’s almost annoying to even bring it up but honestly, this guy’s breath was abusive.  It was, it should be considered physical abuse.

Every single time he spoke it was like hot lava being poured on my face.  It made me cough whenever he caught me breathing in.

(she looks to one side)

Just like this, this is what I kept doing whenever he spoke.

I had him drop me off early and I told him. I said, “Listen, your breath stank and you should really think twice about it next time you take a girl like me out.” With that, I stepped out of his car and walked into my house and that was it. Never spoke to the guy again.

Absolutely, nasty dog breath.

Joseph Arnone


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