Slice and Dice

In this monologue, Tony is busy cutting up a body when he stares up to notice that his assistant is having difficulty taking off the leg of a victim.

(Cigarette dangles from his mouth.  His eyes are squinted)

TONY: OBSIDIAN.  That’s the secret, that’s my recipe.  I realized over time, through painstaking trial and error, that the best knives to use are obsidian knives.  Ancient Indian Hunters used them and today they are used to perform surgical procedures.  Obsidian is even proven to be sharper than a surgeons scalpel, which is why it’s good for Cardiac procedures; less scarring and faster healing.  Isn’t that something?

It’s the best by far when chopping up a body.  It’s cleaner and easier to cut through the flesh and bone. I like precision.

(he stares hard at the young man)

That’s why I’m on my fourth leg and you’re still on your first.  Listen, go in my black leather case over there in the corner.  Pull out the blade with the red handle.  Use that.  Move your ass cause time is ticking.

(he chuckles viciously)

Brings back memories.  I started out with a butcher’s blade back in the day.  But it was such a pain in the ass.  Blood spilling all over the place.  Used to really piss me off.


Yeah, that’s the one.  Now you will slice through it as if it was a Peter Luger’s steak.

Stop staring at me and get chopping, tenderloin.

Joseph Arnone


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