Sniff
In this short comic scene for two male actors, BEN questions HARRY as to why he keeps sniffing his fingers and the response is quite a shocker.
- Download the free .pdf screenplay version: Sniff
Ben: Harry, let me ask you something. Why do you keep sniffing your fingers? What is that?
Harry: I don’t know. It’s a habit.
Ben: A habit?
Harry: Yeah.
Ben: A habit from what? What are you actually sniffing?
Harry: I don’t know. It’s a habit.
Ben: Yeah but, to actually start the habit, there had to be an original reason and you had to do this multiple times.
Harry: Why multiple times?
Ben: Because that’s what makes it a habit, Harry.
Harry: Oh.
Ben: So?
Harry: What?
Ben: What started the habit?
Harry: I don’t know. I don’t remember.
(Ben stares at Harry)
Ben: Come on, man. What is on your fingers that you keep sniffing?
Harry: Nothing. It’s just a habit.
Ben: But what are you actually smelling when you sniff?!
Harry: Nothing. There’s no scent.
Ben: No scent. You’re telling me you keep sniffing your fingers and there’s no scent.
Harry: Yeah. Why?
Ben: I don’t believe you.
Harry: Why don’t you believe me?
Ben: Because for someone to sniff something, especially there fingertips, there has to actually be something you’re smelling.
Harry: Why do you care so much?
Ben: Why? I’ll tell you why, Harry. We’re cooped up in this room together for the past five days, waiting for the package to arrive with instructions. Are we not?
Harry: Yeah.
Ben: Within that time span, I have seen you sniff your fingers constantly.
Harry: So.
Ben: Well, if I started smacking the back of my neck randomly these past five days, wouldn’t that seem a bit odd to you?
Harry: Not really, no.
Ben: Is it ass?
Harry: Ass?
Ben: On you fingers. Is it ass?
Harry: Ass? What ass?
Ben: Your ass. Are you sniffing your own ass on your fingers after you do a little scratchy scratch or what? Just tell me because we ate sandwiches today and you had your hands all over the meat and I forgot all about you sniffing your fingers until just now cause you’re obviously sniffing them again and now I’m feeling sick and I need to know if I ate your ass.
Harry: That’s really gross.
Ben: Damn it, Harry. Can you just tell me? I’m serious.
Harry: I wouldn’t scratch my ass and rub it in anyone’s sandwich Ben, especially my own.
Ben: Then what are you sniffing?
Harry: I scratch my sack on occasion but that’s about it.
Ben: What did you just say?
Harry: My sack. Sometimes, I scratch my man balls but that’s about it, not my ass or anything like that.
Ben: No, no, no, wait, wait cause, maybe I’m a little crazy in the head but you said you scratch your man balls, right?
Harry: Yeah, all guys do.
Ben: Yeah but, is that what you’re sniffing?
Harry: Actually, holy shit, now that you said it, all this time, yeah. Never occurred to me.
Ben: I’m gonna throw up!
Harry: I’m joking! I’m kidding, relax. I would never do something like that. Calm down.
Ben: You sure?
Harry: Yeah buddy, relax. Just a joke.
(beat)
Ben: But why do you sniff?
Harry: I don’t know. Why does the sun come up in the sky?
Ben: Cause the Earth is rotating.
Harry: Yeah, but we don’t know enough to know why there’s a sun or an Earth or anything, really. So, why should I know why I sniff my fingers?
Ben: That shit bothers me. It really does.
Harry: What can I tell you.
Ben: Freaking mystery is what it is…
Harry: Exactly. As they say, maybe we’re better off not knowing, right?
Ben: How so?
Harry: Sometimes when we learn about something, like the secret behind a magician’s trick, it loses its magic for us and we get depressed. Maybe me sniffing my fingers is a mystery we’re better off not knowing about.
Ben: You’re crazy. You know that, right?
Harry: I guess so.
