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Snot Rags

Elaine tells her cousin Jessica to stop being such a slob and confronts her with regards to finding dirty ‘snot tissues’ living around their apartment.

ELAINE: Do me a favor, alright? I know you’re sick as a dog but can you please, PLEASE not leave your snot rags all over the damn place. On the kitchen table! On the dining room table! I find them buried between the sheets in the bed! It’s so gross and nasty and disgusting. I pick them up constantly. How much effort does it take to actually throw them out? At least put them in a designated spot.

I get that you’re sick but that doesn’t permit you to be a slob. How would you like it if you kept finding my snot rags all over the damn place? I stepped on at least two of them today and they both stuck to my foot. I couldn’t get it off because the snot acted like glue and I had to actually scrape off the tissue paper from the back of my foot with a sponge.

(she gags)  …I’m okay…

All I’m asking is for you to just be more considerate of me.

Joseph Arnone

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