Test Me

In the dramatic monologue Test Me, Sean approaches a regular at a bar about talking to his girl and he gives him a warning.

SEAN:  Hey.  You think you’re slick, Jeremy?  Huh?  You walk around here like a drunken fool.  Casually coming into the bar like your everybody’s best friend.  Coming in with your bullshit stories and your wise cracks.  I don’t like you. I don’t trust you. I take one look at you and I see right through you. I see who you really are.

I know what you do behind closed doors. I’ve heard the stories.  People talk about you because you’re always bragging about your manly endeavors with women.  What a joke you are.  If you’re wife even knew.   I want you to know one thing, if you talk to my girl again, if you even think you have a shot, I’ll bury you.  You understand, PLAYA?  (beat) Okay, good.  As long as we’re clear, we’re good.  I don’t care what you do in your life, just don’t come close to mine.  (beat)  Got it?  (beat)

(Sean walks out of the bar)


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Joseph Arnone