The Adventures of Mope and Jope is a comedic script for 2 men.
The Adventures of Mope and Jope
Jope: What is your problem?
Mope: I don’t have a problem.
Jope: You don’t have a problem?
Jope: (beat) I think you have a big problem.
Mope: With who?
Jope: With me.
Mope: Nah, naw, I ain’t got a problem with ya.
Jope: Then why do you keep pissing me off?
Mope: I’m pissing you off?
Jope: Yeah, you’re pissing me off.
Mope: I’m not pissing you off.
Jope: You’re doing it now!
Mope: Am I?
Jope: Yes! You are. You’re pissing me off, right this second.
Mope: How am I—
Jope: Because of your attitude. Like what you’re doing isn’t really what you’re doing but it’s obvious what you’re doing because it’s pissing me off. (beat) So, what’s your problem?
Mope: I…I don’t have a problem.
Jope: No. You do have a problem but you don’t want to tell me and you don’t want to tell me because you’re afraid of conflict.
Mope: I’m not afraid of conflict.
Jope: So tell me the truth.
Mope: I saw a monkey jump out from an elephant’s ass.
Jope: (Beat) What?
Mope: This morning, I was out in the field. I was way out, much further than I usually go. I saw this elephant…it was blue, a terrifically large, blue elephant. Majestic. I pulled out my binoculars for a closer look and it was then that I saw something wiggling from the elephant’s behind.
At first, I couldn’t make it out…it was brown, furry, but not fully formed. I had no idea what it was I was staring at…until…until, I saw this head, the head of a monkey it seems, pop out from the ass of the elephant and then the rest of him followed suit.
The elephant, the elephant let out a roar and hoisted up the monkey on his back with the girth of his trunk and they were extremely jubilant.
Mope: Jubilant. So jubilant that the blue elephant stood on its hind legs and broke out into Gene Kelly’s Singing in the Rain.
Jope: You’re kidding.
Mope: No, I’m not.
Jope: Was the dancing any good?
Mope: I must say, it was quite entertaining. Especially when the monkey was being used as the umbrella.
Jope: Wow. You are so lucky you got to see this.
Mope: It was amazing.
Jope: But how does this explain your moodiness towards me lately?
Mope: Maybe I’ve been distracted. Perhaps I’m not giving you as much attention as you normally receive but it’s kind of hard when I’m seeing dancing elephants and flying sheep.
Jope: You saw a flying sheep?
Mope: Actually, it was a bright pink flying sheep leaving doodoo droppings on the heads of lions and you had to see the reactions of the lions. It was hysterical! They were so angry at the sheep and the sheep kept cackling and causing such a riot. It was unbelievable.
Jope: It makes sense.
Mope: Yeah, so, I’m sorry if I’ve been pissing you off. I’ll tell you what, would you like to come with me on one of these adventures?
Jope: Really? You would take me with you?
Mope: But you need to be good. You have to remain quiet at all times. You cannot distract the animals in their natural dwelling.
Jope: I promise.
Mope: Okay, I believe you. We will leave tomorrow morning and I will take you to where the farting turtles are.
Jope: Farting turtles?
Mope: Wait until you hear these sounds. What I find so compelling about the farting turtles is that they are musical farting turtles. They actually play by request. For instance, if you shout out Beethoven’s Symphony Number Five for example, they go right in for it. They love the classics and the harmonies will astound you.
Jope: What about rap?
Jope: Can the farting turtles rap?
Mope: Not that I’m aware but we can always put in a request and try it out.
Jope: I can’t wait.
Mope: Good times, my boy, good times.
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