This short script is a metaphor for the interior monologues we may sometimes experience when we feel conflicted between our heart and brain. Serio-comedy script.
BRAIN: I feel cracked out.
FOOT: You looked cracked out.
BRAIN: Do I?
FOOT: Like total shit.
BRAIN: I wish I could talk to you but you’re so damn stupid. If I ever turned to you and shared one-tenth of my torture, you still couldn’t process it.
FOOT: Life’s not that bad.
BRAIN: I hate that saying. Isn’t that just about the worst saying ever spoken in the entire history of the human race?
TOE: He does have a point there.
BRAIN: Who asked you?
TOE: I’m just saying.
BRAIN: I wish you guys would just leave me alone.
FOOT: We can’t.
KNEE: Don’t worry, Brain, they’re just annoying you.
BRAIN: (to Knee) And when did you become so perfect?
KNEE: I’m just saying.
BRAIN: Everybody’s just saying. Why don’t you all stop ganging up on me?
PINKIE: Because you’re the one who’s supposed to handle the pressure.
BRAIN: I don’t want to handle this pressure.
HEART: I know the feeling.
BRAIN: (sarcastic) Oh, not you, the great big heart has arrived. Everybody step aside.
HEART: Don’t do that.
BRAIN: It’s true, isn’t it? You show up and we’re all supposed to take orders. Well, I’m not doing it anymore. I’m cracked out.
HEART: You look cracked out.
FOOT: That’s what I said.
Toe ad Pinkie laugh.
BRAIN: It’s not funny, alright?
HEART: Take it easy.
BRAIN: If you mention life not being so bad I’m going to have an aneurysm.
HEART: I won’t.
ELBOW: We having a party?
BRAIN: No, we are not having a party and besides you can’t party because you’re all banged up from the last party for being a clown.
ELBOW: Thanks for caring. God forbid you ever ask how I’m feeling?
BRAIN: You are completely fine, I’m the one who is suffering.
HEART: Brain, listen, stop thinking so much, cause you’re stressing everyone out.
BRAIN: See? You gonna lay down the law?
HEART: I have important work to do and you’re getting in the way with your moaning.
BRAIN: But it’s you, you keep pushing me to my limits. Don’t you know how to take a damn break…work, work, work, work, that’s all you do. I’m so sick of you!
HEART: Hey, chillax big boy, alright?
BRAIN: No! You relax! This is bullshit and I’m not doing it anymore. I have headaches that are throbbing like someone’s stepping on my head. I don’t see sunshine. You keep me cooped up in the apartment day and night so you can tinker away in the dark. What kind of heart does that?
HEART: What do I have to do to calm you down?
ANUS: Maybe take a shit? Been waiting forty-five minutes already.
BRAIN: If you gotta shit, go shit, you don’t need permission.
ANUS: I can’t find either Leg so, I’m stuck here. Tried talking to Knee but that’s a lost cause. Figured you could do something about it.
BRAIN: I’m not doing anything about it. Not now.
ANUS: Well, you have shit for brains, so there.
BRAIN: This is what I mean! You all make me crazy!!
Ears speak together in unison.
EARS: Stop all that yelling. Too much of that lately.
BRAIN: Everybody tells me what to do. Nobody listens to my needs. Everybody takes me for granted and thinks that everything is fine and things are not fine, things are heavy and I need some time, I need to be somewhere else, somewhere far and away, somewhere where I can be alone and not think…you all take up my time and I try so hard to be there for all of you but it’s days like this where I feel like I can’t do it anymore…maybe if you all showed me some more love, have some compassion, not be so selfish, maybe then I wouldn’t feel so shakey and twitchy and buggy and slappy…I just need to meditate and feel again.
HEART: Brain, that’s what I’m here for and if you just allow yourself to turn off and let me do my job, I promise you that you will feel so much better and I will take the burden off your shoulders.
Shoulders speak in unison.
SHOULDERS: Hey, ya’ll.
Shoulders gets ignored by everyone.
BRAIN: (to Heart) Since when did you become the boss?
HEART: I’ve always been boss, big boy. You know that. I need to keep you in check because sometimes your brain power grabs all of us in a bunch and that’s why we’re all here tangled up together, but if you trust me and let me take things over for a bit…put yourself on autopilot…shhhhh, shhhhh…(whispering) I will always ride us out to where things can be better…where things can be beautiful, magical…where things can matter most…shhhhh, shhhhhh…I promise…this heart will never let you down…never ever…