The Darker Side of Me

In the drama monologue, The Darker Side of Me, Lucky talks about how he crossed over to his darkest self and almost did something horrific.

Lucky:  I went there…I kept looking for it, someone, anything…I wanted to release the feelings exploding inside of me because I couldn’t cope with anyone ever making you feel afraid.  I couldn’t take it.  I had to make those bastards feel what fear was all about.

I waited, outside for hours and hours…no one would come in or out of the house.  I took it up with the streets of the neighborhood.  I walked hell bent on finding someone who would give me a wrong look, someone who could start in on me, I was begging for it.

…I remember passing a group of men and I stared directly into all of them and they weren’t the kind of men you want to stare directly into but I didn’t care, I didn’t care about my own life, I felt too much and I wanted it so bad, I wanted them to make a move so bad I could taste the blood in my mouth…but they didn’t, they wouldn’t even look at me and when I walked passed them, I felt a sudden sadness because what I was feeling, all this anger I felt, had nothing to do with any of them. They were all innocent men who had absolutely nothing to do with what I had going on inside myself.

It was then that I realized how foolish I’d been.  I was willing to throw it all away and for what?  For what?  I was willing to hurt innocent people for no good reason other than the fact that I was blaming them for something they had nothing to do with.

Slowly, I was able to bring myself back to reality.  God knows how close I almost came to destroying everything.  I’ve regretted my actions ever since.

I was lucky.

Joseph Arnone

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