The Greatest Team of Corniest Corn Balls

Jeff, the head of a marketing agency enters the creative meeting room unexpectedly and tears the creative team working for him completely apart.

Jeff:  (sarcastic)  Wow.  (beat)  Wow, wow, wowzers.  I must say that you and your team have no originality whatsoever.  It’s comical.  How do you all live with yourselves?  Don’t you find yourselves disgusting or at least repulsive to some extent?  A tad, am I right?  A tadshky?  Yeah??

Where are your own thoughts?  (beat)  Let me ask you again…where are your own thoughts?  You have zero innovation, zero ideas and zero imagination.

Look at your work!  You are like the worst imitation of what I did ten years ago.  It’s embarrassing.  Your design, the colors, the words…there is nothing exciting about this at all.  It’s bland.  Bland and boring, bland and boring.  Snooze fest.  Big loud fart.  Do you smell it?  I smell it.  FARTS!!!

This shit is dullicious.  Can someone say anything to me?!

(grabbing the white board on the stand)  I look at this design and the copy and I’m thinking AND?  AND?  Annnnd what?  (shakes his head and flicks the board to the floor)

So uninspiring.  So corny.  The greatest team of corniest corn balls I’ve ever seen.  How did you get here and where did you come from?  Are you actually working for me people??

Suck!  Suck!  Capitol SSSSSSuck.

Did I die?  Is this hell?  I feel like I’m in hell.  Is this really happening?  No, I’m serious cause I cannot believe that my two eyes and ears have just been traumatized for life by that lousy, lazy, ludicrous pitch.

You creative geniuses have until tomorrow morning 8 a.m. to blow me away or find another job.

(he storms out of the room)

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Joseph Arnone