The Passionate Intern

In The Passionate Intern, Heather Anne is an EXTREMELY nervous and hyperactive individual.  She is an intern working for a large advertising agency.  She has been asked by the head of the company to fetch her a paper clip and Heather Anne has been trying to find one as if her life depended on it.

(hysterically crying)

(speaking to a male worker from the advertising company who notices her distress and asks her if she is alright)

HEATHER ANNE: Paper clips!  I can’t find the PAPER CLIPS!  I’ve been looking around for over ten minutes and he wanted paper clips like eight minutes ago!  I’m FREAKING out!!!  The pressure!  I just can’t take the PRESSURE!

(trying to get a grip)

No, I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay….I’m fine, I’m fine…I’m okay…yeah..yeah…


I found them!  I found them!

(she jumps from her enthusiasm which causes the paper clips to explode out of the holding box and all over the floor)

Oh no!  Oh no!  Oh no!  They are all over!

(she begins to get hysterical again)

I just want to do a good job.  I get nervous.  I don’t know why.  I get like this.

(the head of the advertising agency walks in)

Oh God!  Hi Mr. Wallace!  Yes, I found the paper clips!  I found ’em!  They are right here!  Right here on the floor!  I’m picking them up sir and I am going to bring them to you…Right now sir…on my way….WHAT?!

You already found a paper clip?  Oh, you don’t need it anymore?  Oh, okay….sorry it took me so—LUNCH?

Sure I can go get lunch….what do you—where?  Alison  Cafe?  Okay where—Corner of Seventh Avenue and Fifty Fourth Stre—Tuna Salad and—Okay—-Ummm, Hero with—uh-huh…okay…Lettuce, tomatoes, pepper, no salt…GOT IT—no salt….melted cheese…AMERICAN!  Okay… hahaha  right…right, AMERICAN CHEESE….annnnnnd TEA!  With a twist of lemon annnd  SMOKED HAM with—uh-huh—uh-huh—-uh-huh—uh-huh—yeah…GOT IT!  I got it.  No problem!  No worries!  Okay!  Thank you!  Go now?  Okay, I’ll go now and then back to the paper clips.  Okay, got it!  Righto!

(the ceo leaves…she speaks to the male worker who has not left the room)

…I don’t know what he wants…(she gets hysterical) All I remember is AMERICAN CHEESE…I don’t even know where the–where the cafe is or the name or the— (she cries)

I’m horrible!  I can’t even be an intern…how am I supposed to be an advertising agent?  Who am I trying to kid?  Look at me?  I am a mess?  I don’t feel well, I want to go home…

You know what he wants?  You know?  Oh, you used to intern?  haha…YOU?  REALLY?  Will you help me?  Can you PLEASE, PLEASE help me?  PLEASE!!!

Oh my God, thank you so much…YES, write it all down and I’ll go this instant…I don’t want to be late like I was with the paper clips…THANK YOU SO MUCH…What is your name?  Manny?  Manny you are saving my life right now.  Thank you so much…Thank you, thank you….

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Joseph Arnone