The Speech That Goes Into Thin Air

In this monologue, CHARLIE complains to his brother Saul because he’s forever borrowing money from him and never paying him back.

Charlie: How much money have I given you, Saul?  How much? (beat)  Too much.  I know you don’t do drugs, you’re not a drinker, you don’t gamble…so what is it?  You know what it is, Saul?  I hate to tell it to ya but you’re numb.  Numb in the brain, that is!  Dumb!  You make stupid decisions and you’re lazy.  You don’t know how to move your ass.  (beat)  I don’t know, I don’t know what to do with ya anymore.  Each time I get a leg up, you pull it back down.  You don’t let me get ahead in my own life.  I’m constantly dishing out funds for your asinine ways.  You’re an ass!

We come from the same parents, why you—oh hell, forget it.  What’s the use in—drive me crazy, you do.  I could give ya the speech and it goes into thin air, so why waste the air in my lungs?  I refuse to exhaust myself any further.

How much do ya need?  (beat) Three hundred?!  Are you—what do you need three hundred—oh, that’s just great, that’s nice, I gotta pay for that girl?  I’m gonna give you money for Loretta when Loretta steps foot in my house and doesn’t ever utter the word hello.  What’s wrong with that girl anyway?

(to himself) Three hundred dollars.  (to Saul)  I just saved up to that number and here you are, as usual, pulling it right from my fingers tips.

(dives his hands in his pants pockets)

Here!  Here’s one, two, three…three hundred miserable dollars for—go!  Go out and leave me alone. (beat) Right, until the next time, right.  Yeah, go!

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