This Meeting Is Dismissed

In This Meeting Is Dismissed, DRENA, a high powered executive brings down the house on one of her employees about stepping up her game and getting creative.

DRENA:  I have to tell you this because if I don’t I’m going to burst into flames.  You are cheese.  You are so cheese.  The cheesiest cheese I have ever met in my life.  You are so cheese that it drips out of your pores and stinks up any room you walk into.

I canNOT believe you have gotten this far being the cheese head that you are.  (mocking) “I’m so cheesy, I’m so cheesy, look at me and my big fat cheese brain.”


Every–damn–idea you have is piggybacking off of someone else.  You are the definition of a copycat who rides the coattails of others and you have absolutely no inventive ideas of your own.  You give nothing, nnnothing innovative or exciting or helpful to others and when you try it’s usually served like one great platter of rotting cheese because the circuitry in your brain is wired to cough and be foggy from all the cobwebs built up over the years from stealing.

(beat) I’m winded but I’m strong, baby! (clenching her fist)

(digging back in)  YOU are so cute and little and innocent and (makes high pitched mocking giggle) like that and fart, fart, huge winded farts all over your face on a hot sunny day, while riding in a crammed manhattan subway cart with nowhere to run!  (sticks out tongue and blows)  Thhhhhhsssss!

That’s what you are.  Climb on top of that table!  Right now.  Do it!  There you go, get on that table and scream.  I want to hear you.  I want you to scream out your genius!  Do it now!  There must be something in you.  (stomping) NOW!  NOW!  DO IT NOW!! (beat)  (grinning)  There it is!  Better…okay, okay shut up and get off the table.

This is what we want.  We want ideas that feel.  BIG, HUGE, DIFFERENT.  I want you to bring me something that is real.  I need some truth!  I need all the cheese to die and I want you to throw some real shit in my face.  I want to feel it!

I am so sick and tired of the fake bullshit I see every–single–day of my life, working in this world that I am going to throw myself right out that window and fall to my death, if you don’t change.  I need you to save my life.  SAVE ME.  I need oxygen, OXYGEN!  Do you hear me?!

(calmly)  Tomorrow…at noon, we will reconvene, here, and we will see if you brought something with passion.  I don’t want theatrical!  I want passion.  I want soul wrenching, gut pounding, mind bending anxiety.  I want a rupture.

That’s right.  Tomorrow or die, we all die.  This meeting is dismissed.

Joseph Arnone