Traffic and a Flat Tire

Lervina has been asked to organize a very special party for a dear friend but the problem is that the DJ hasn’t shown up and guest will be arriving soon.

Lervina:  Manny, are the tables and chairs in place?  What about the balloons?  Did you give Alice the instructions?  The exact instructions?  What about the DJ?  (she gasps)  Where is the DJ?  What?!  The DJ’s not here?  Where, where is he?  TRAFFIC?!  What traff—they should have been here setting up!

Call him.  Call him now and put me on the phone.  (beat)

(taking Manny’s phone)  Dino!  Where are you?  FLAT TIRE?  Are you…WHAT?  The party is in thirty minutes.  I thought there was traffic?  Traffic and a flat tire.

I knew it!  I knew you’d be late Dino.  How long?  How long until you arrive?  How—an hour?!?!

I’m gonna die.  I am gonna have a nervous breakdown and then I’m gonna die.

You said you were the best.  You gave me this whole speech about how punctual and professional you are.  Those were the two words you used Dino.  Punctual and professional.  That was your reasoning for charging such an astronomical price.

What are you gonna do for me now?  Huh?  I can’t here you—your phone, your phone is breaking up–THERE you are, YEAH, how much?  What?  I’m docking you a late fee.  I don’t care if we signed a contract, you are late and you will not be paid the full price.

The longer you take, the less money you will receive.  That’s the contract.  My contract.

(she hangs up phone)

I can’t believe it.  The balls.  This guy thinks he’s still getting the full amount.  Here. Take your phone.  The nerve!  I must have been out of my mind to hire this guy.  I knew he was no good.  I knew it.

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Joseph Arnone