Why Are You So Rude To Me? is a short comedic scene with two women and a man but can also be played with just two women only.
Why Are You So Rude To Me?
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DORA: Can I ask you something Jack? Why are you so rude to me? I see you downstairs in the laundry room or the hallway and you never acknowledge my presence. I mean, I’ve been living in the building for ten years. Ten years! Ten years and you are clearly familiar with my face and not once have you ever said hello or even nodded or blinked in my direction. Not once! I’m always so nice to you. I’m always saying hi and asking how you are and you totally tune me out.
Do I smell?! (beat) Did I do something wrong to offend you in some way that I’m completely unaware of? (beat) Please, just tell me. (beat) You are ridiculous! You know that?!
I won’t say hi. I won’t be nice. I’ll ignore you too! Forget you! I wasn’t asking to be friends with you but it’s so damn rude of you to outright ignore me when I’m only being—
Mildred, a woman in her mid-eighties enters the room.
MILDRED: Excuse me, miss? MISS?
MILDRED: That man is deaf…and blind. He cannot see you nor can he hear you.
MILDRED: But I can hear you and see you quite clearly.
DORA: Oh, I’m…I’m so sorry, I…I had no idea—
MILDRED: He’s an old man. How can you yell like that at an old man?
DORA: I just, I really…ten years…was building up in me for—I overreacted.
MILDRED: The whole building could hear you. Did it not occur to you that this man here is not reacting to you whatsoever?
DORA: (staring at Jack) My God. You’re right.
MILDRED: Course I’m right. Look at him. Blind and deaf as they come plus he’s not the brightest. I’ve known Jackie, we call him Jackie around here, I’ve known him for sixty somewhat years.
DORA: Was he born being ummm—
MILDRED: He had an accident. Fell out the window on the third floor. Was never right after that…as you can see.
DORA: I feel like a real schmuck.
MILDRED: That was a schmucky thing to do but you’ll live. Please, no more yelling and leave poor Jackie alone for goodness sake. Let the man have his peace, he’s old and brittle and the last thing he needs is a young confused woman in his life. Got me?
DORA: Oh no I, yeah, I do, I’m so sorry, really, truly sorry..I messed up–I mean, I—sorry.
MILDRED: That’s okay. Move on.
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