Wiki P is a short sketch scene about a father not in the mood to deal with his teenage son’s obnoxious behavior. The genre is a serio-comic.
- Download the free .pdf screenplay version: Wiki P
(Carmine is in his own world)
CARMINE: Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p—
(In walks GUINN, wearing a robe, making himself cereal)
GUINN: What the hell are you doing?
CARMINE: Oh, ah, I’m just singing a song.
GUINN: What the hell is Wiki p?
CARMINE: Nah, I just make noises.
CARMINE: Yeah, I create my own tunes with my mouth.
GUINN: You sound like a moron.
CARMINE: Yeah, well, it like, keeps me calm.
GUINN: Go get laid. Go get a job. Go do something other than prancing around the house doing, (imitates Carmine) Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p like a knucklehead all day long. Who does that? Something a little loose in there, right?
CARMINE: Whatever, man.
GUINN: Thank God you don’t do drugs or else you’d really be bounding off the walls.
CARMINE: I just get hyper sometimes. I do weird shit, what do you want me to say? It’s like a release.
GUINN: (stares at Carmine and then) This is my life.
CARMINE: Besides, I got a job.
GUINN: Doing what?
CARMINE: I’m painting.
GUINN: Painting? How?
CARMINE: My friend’s Dad needs extra help on the weekends, so he asked me if I want to work doing the paints and I said yeah.
GUINN: Doing the paints. Do you realize that you have actually been getting an education and the best sentence construction you can muster together is “doing the paints?”
CARMINE: He’s going to teach me how to paint the interior of homes. Better?
GUINN: It shouldn’t have to be better. Speak proper English when you’re in front of me, alright there Wiki p. What is that short for Wikipedia? (laughs)
CARMINE: (laughs) Maybe. It just comes to me.
GUINN: You’re an odd ball, but you’re my son. Go get the lawn mower out for me. Just bring it around the side of the house. I’ll do the rest because we know how you roll.
CARMINE: I can mow the lawn if you want.
GUINN: No, that’s okay.
CARMINE: Just give me twenty bucks.
GUINN: You’re joking.
CARMINE: Nah, I’ll do the whole thing for you Dad. What’s twenty dollars?
GUINN: The lawn is ten by five.
CARMINE: Alright, so, give me a ten spot.
GUINN: Go do it but don’t kill yourself, please. I don’t want to have to explain it to your Mother.
CARMINE: Chill Dad, it’s not that hard.
(Carmine runs out of the house)
GUINN: (to himself) I was exactly the same way at your age…Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p, Wiki p…