Wing Girl

In Wing Girl, Janice talks to her girlfriend about wanting to hook up with a guy because she can’t take the loneliness anymore.

JANICE: Dara, listen to me…listen I need to get laid, we need to go out this Saturday!  I gotta find a man soon before I burst into flames.  I am hot, hot, hot for a man and if I don’t get some action soon, I am going to self-destruct!

It’s been six months!!  I am in a major drought.  Call the fire squad, call somebody.  Who do you know??  You gotta know somebody.  NO, not your neighbor!  Wait, who, Fred?  You mean, (she hunches over and makes a face imitating Fred) Fred?!  Oh God, no way!!  You’re crazy to even mention–well, I know he–he would screw any light bulb that needs fixing but, I need like six beers and four shots for that guy. When I say anything I’m not saying anything that moves, okay?

I am in a crisis!  You have to know somebody else.

Okay look, we are going on an ass hunt this Saturday.  I couldn’t care less if you have a boyfriend.  I need my wing girl with me.

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Joseph Arnone