How many people are out for ya, huh?
In the serio-comedic scene People’s Lives, Calum tries to tell Richie that he did something violent, but Richie doesn’t care to listen.
Calum sits on the couch in the living room, smoking a cigarette.
He drinks a beer.
Richie enters the kitchen, putting a case of beer in a cooler.
RICHIE: Ya take ya meds today? ‘Cause I don’t wanna hear ya babble.
CALUM: I took ’em.
RICHIE: Thatta boy.
CALUM: Like I’m a dog.
RICHIE: What?
CALUM: Nothin’.
RICHIE: Today’s my day, yeah? Meaning, f’ck off.
CALUM: Don’t see why I can’t go in the bloody pool.
RICHIE: Cause you always dirty it up.
CALUM: I showered.
RICHIE: Don’t look like you showered.
CALUM: Cause I’m sweatin’ here without air-conditionin’.
RICHIE: No fault of mine.
CALUM: I’m hot!
RICHIE: I don’t f’ckin’ bloody care about it! Today is MY day. Understand? It’s my pool, and it’s my day.
CALUM: I f’ckin’ bought ya that pool.
RICHIE: That means it’s mine.
CALUM: I should have a f’ckin’ day.
RICHIE: Too late.
CALUM: I took the time to rob that pool. I took the risk. I should reap its benefit.
RICHIE: Shoulda kept it for yourself then.
CALUM: It was your birthday, wasn’t it?
RICHIE: It was.
CALUM: And I was in the giving mood that particular day, I remember.
RICHIE: A gift is a gift.
CALUM: Can I go in the pool?
RICHIE: Not today.
CALUM: So what am I to do then?
RICHIE: Take a cold shower!
CALUM: The f’ckin’ thing don’t work!
RICHIE: Eh?
CALUM: I let it run for five minutes straight, and it stays hot. Won’t f’ckin’ cool down.
RICHIE: ‘Cause you broke the faucet.
CALUM: I didn’t do bloody nothin’ to the faucet! It’s the f’ckin’ heat. Hottest day in 12 years… ain’t you watched the news?!
RICHIE: Why you gettin’ all worked up?
CALUM: I’m in for a heatstroke.
RICHIE: Calm down now. Gettin’ yourself like this won’t do you good.
CALUM: I’m melting.
RICHIE: I’m goin’ out to the pool!
CALUM: I’m havin’ shortness of breath!
RICHIE: ALRIGHT! Listen – here – open the fridge. (He opens the refrigerator.) Stick ya head in there for a few, you’ll be as good as cured. I’ll be back soon.
CALUM: I’m not sticking my head in the fridge like a f’ckin’ Ostrich.
RICHIE: A who?
CALUM: A f’ckin’ Ostrich.
RICHIE: Well, I guess you’ll die of heat then.
CALUM: You don’t give a damn.
RICHIE: Actually, I don’t. I’m off.
Richie takes his beers and begins to head out.
CALUM: Something happened.
RICHIE: Oi! I told ya. No babblin’ from you!
CALUM: I’ll be alright if ya let me spit it out.
RICHIE: I don’t give a damn!
CALUM: I beat him – with a hammer. Not beat, actually; beat implies multiple hits. It was just one blow – to the back of his head – I had to; it made him stop. Penelope screamed. She hates me; I know she hates me now. But I believe that in the end, she’ll be grateful.
Richie puts down his beers.
RICHIE: The f’ck did you do?
CALUM: I saved her from Josh.
RICHIE: Josh?
CALUM: He was having another go at her. This time for real. Had her neck gripped with both his hands.
RICHIE: A hammer?
CALUM: It’s alright. She told me she’s not gonna rat on me, Richie. I sanitized it and everything. It’s back in your toolbox… No one will find out, he didn’t see me…so no worries.
RICHIE: NO WORRIES?!
CALUM: What’d you think I shoulda done? Let him continue on like that? He hurt her, again. This wasn’t the first time. He don’t love her, that pig. She’ll be alright now. She hates me now, but she’ll come around.
RICHIE: He alive?
CALUM: Course he is! Think I’m mad?! I made sure it was just enough to put him to sleep.
RICHIE: More trouble. All I asked for was ONE DAY from ya!
CALUM: You can have another day! There’s plenty of f’ckin’ days! Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday…take ’em all! Selfish pr’ck.
RICHIE: Ya really somethin’, aren’t ya, Calum? How’d ya get this far in life? How ya still alive? That’s what I wanna know. It’s one of those mysteries to men how there’s always that one crazy f’cker that’s still breathin’. An’ you stand out like a sore thumb; you can’t go anywhere ’cause they’ll get ya, always gettin’ yourself inta all kinds a madness. How many people are out for ya, huh?
- To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:
In the one-act eplay People’s Lives, Calum saves Penelope from physical harm but must suffer the consequences of protecting the woman he loves. 1 Woman, 2 Men. Serio-comedy/drama.
