Kick In The Pants is a romantic comedy about a diner customer in pursuit of trying to get a waitress to finally say yes to going out with him.

ROSE: You, as a person. I could tell. You’re a born grouch. You may come in here and smile, act all polite, speak with a soft voice, but deep down I know for certain you’re a grouch. It’s in the eyes. I’ve stared at you from different angles, not that I’m interested in you, but staring by way of proving my hunch, that you’re a grouch.

The way you read your newspaper, for instance. So intense, it’s too intense. The way you tune everyone else out, entirely. The way you get up to go to the bathroom even, or to get into your car. There’s a heaviness in you Marv. You bring the whole world down with you. The way you move, it’s just so damn heaaaavy.

Yes, you’re all smiles at me, but that’s because there’s an agenda and your agenda is to get me under your sheets, which, to be frank, Marv, I couldn’t be any less interested in.

It’s a deliberate charm, your cologne, your gestures…all put on. I see the real you though, and it ain’t nothin’ like this whole show you’ve got goin’ on.

• To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:

Kick In The Pants is a one-act ePlay that revolves around a waitress and the man who wishes to take her out for dinner. Romantic comedy.

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