In this comedic scene from comedy play script, ‘Talk of Th’ Town, Pete confesses to his friend about the truth of his wife’s cooking.
PETE: Our final countdown till sudden death. I reckon we make it as far as the potatoes fore one of us goes belly under.
DREW: Aye, doing this one out of loyalty fer ye, being as though it’s Christmas an’ I’ve been invited an’ all.
PETE: Well, who else can I call to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune?
DREW: You could’a called Mitch Henry.
PETE: Ah, Mitch Henry doesn’t have th’ stomach fer it.
DREW: An’ I do?
PETE: Well —
DREW: On th’ toilet fer two full days before I was able to feel th’ rear of me ass again.
PETE: I know. You’re a real pal.
DREW: Should be gettin’ some kind of reward fer this.
PETE: Eat lightly. No need to take seconds an’ thirds like ye did last year. You bring it upon yerself. It’s one thing to be a good friend but you don’t have to go th’ whole nine yards, is it.
DREW: Can’t deny your wife’s charms! She’s th’ kindest, most friendliest person this side o’ Cork.
PETE: Well, thank you fer sayin’, you are one of th’ family.
DREW: Don’t I know it.
PETE: Wouldn’t ye know that out of all th’ women in Ireland, I find th’ single one out of th’ lot that can’t cook worth a damn.
DREW: Ah, she tries, she’s all heart that woman is.
PETE: Aye, through and through that is, but I haven’t th’ heart to tell her.
DREW (warning): Nooo, you should never.
PETE: The thought has crossed me mind.
DREW: You don’t say?
PETE: Whenever I break out in a hot sweat, on those nights, when I feel the inside of me neck throbbin’, o’ ye could be sure I am a hair away from penance an’ prayer.
DREW: I admire you. I would have broke years ago.
- To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:
In the one act eplay Talk of Th’ Town, it’s Christmas evening and Pete and Crissy have invited their dear friend over for Christmas dinner. The problem is that Crissy is the worst cook in Ireland. Pete and Drew discuss the trouble before being served dinner. 1 Woman, 2 Men. Comedy.