She’s comin’ to bring you the cure.
In dark humor scene from The Accusal, Giorgio refuses to eat Elly’s porridge because he doesn’t like the way it looks and he wanted soup.
Featured Scene – The Accusal
LIGHTS SLOWLY RISE.
Giorgio sits on a couch wrapped up in a blanket.
He’s unwell. He wears pajamas.
Elly enters the living room. She places a bowl of oatmeal on a coffee table in front of Giorgio.
GIORGIO: What’s this?
ELLY: Porridge.
GIORGIO: I didn’t ask for this.
ELLY: What’s wrong with it?
GIORGIO: I wanted soup.
ELLY: You said, ‘whatever,’ when I asked ya.
GIORGIO: But then I said soup.
ELLY: When?
GIORGIO: After I said, ‘whatever’.
ELLY: Eat your porridge.
GIORGIO: I don’t want that mud.
ELLY: It’s good for ya, that is.
GIORGIO: How’s it good for me when the spoon is standing straight outta the bowl?
ELLY: Try it.
GIORGIO: I said, I don’t want it.
ELLY: Eat it.
GIORGIO: Noo!
ELLY: Why are you so difficult on me?
GIORGIO: Cause you don’t care what I want.
ELLY: But you’re unwell, and this is healthy…it’s got cinnamon and banana in it.
GIORGIO: That’s horrible.
ELLY: Eat.
Giorgio pulls his blanket over his head.
Elly pushes the spoon around in the porridge bowl.
Here, look! It’s mushy now.
Giorgio looks out from his blanket.
GIORGIO: Looks worse.
ELLY: You don’t even know how to make proper porridge.
In comes Ned from the front door.
(startled) Ned!
NED: Aye, everyone.
ELLY: (takes porridge bowl) Try this, Ned, and tell me the truth, taste it and tell me if it’s any good.
GIORGIO: Don’t eat that sh’t, Ned –
ELLY (to Giorgio): Shut up! (to Ned) Try it, Ned.
NED: Am I gonna die if I try it?
ELLY: Don’t be silly, Ned. Come on, I want your opinion of it.
Ned tries the porridge.
NED: …It’s fine, that is…
ELLY (to Giorgio) See?!
GIORGIO: Wait! Wait! Wait! (to Ned) FINE, as in what?
NED: It’s not bad.
GIORGIO: Would you eat the whole thing then?
NED: Yeah, I would.
ELLY: (to Ned) Do you want his porridge, Ned? Cause th’ baby won’t eat it.
NED: Erm, uhm, YEAH, alright, I’ll eat it then.
GIORGIO: Don’t force ’em to eat that rubbish.
ELLY: Am I forcing you, Ned?
NED: What?
ELLY: I said, am I forcing you to eat my porridge?
NED: No, no, it’s good, I don’t mind it.
Elly and Giorgio watch Ned eat the porridge.
…has it got cinnamon then?
ELLY: Ya.
NED: (chewing) And them large, soft bits is banana in’t?
ELLY: Ya.
NED: Quite healthy, this is.
ELLY: (looks at Giorgio) I know it is Ned.
Ned remains standing while eating the porridge.
Why don’t you take a seat and eat proper, Ned?
NED: Erm, Um, I eat standing up.
GIORGIO: Since when?
NED: Helps with me digestion. I was eating pizza one day on the go, and I went to the toilet full on. Cleaned my pipes straight out, and I was bouncing around happy all bloody day.
Felt as light as a feather. So, it got me thinking I should try standing when eating, and so I ate chicken and rice and steak and tacos, and each time I did so while standing, and each time I’d go straight to the toilet, full on feeling like a bird in the sky.
I been floatin’, feelin’ lighter on me feet now that is, like one a them pro boxers that can bounce light-footed when trainin’ like.
(he bounces a few times while holding the porridge bowl in his hands)
So, ya know, it’s greatly improved me cramps and ulcers and things that is…digestion, so…so, erm, um, I eat while standing up these days.
Beat.
ELLY: I’ll be off then.
GIORGIO: Where ya goin’?
ELLY: Meeting Nella in the park.
GIORGIO: Oh..smokin’ up then?
ELLY: Ya.
GIORGIO: Why doesn’t she come here? I could use some, the way I feel.
ELLY: You think?
GIORGIO: Maybe clear me up some.
ELLY: Shall I phone her then?
GIORGIO: Alright.
NED: So f’ckin’ good this porridge damn well is, yeah?
GIORGIO: I didn’t try it.
Elly on phone.
ELLY: Hey Nella, what are ya doin’? Yeah? Alright, I was thinking..why don’t you come to mine instead? (beat) Giorgy’s caught a bug, and some smoke will do him good, ya? …Alright, then…cheers love. (beat) (to Giorgio) Alright, so, she’s making her way here then, but don’t be rude as you always are, as she’s comin’ to bring you the cure.
Ned drops the porridge bowl to the floor.
Ned looks frozen and then collapses and dies.
GIORGIO: F’cker!
Giorgio jumps up and runs to Ned’s aid.
Ned? Ned? Neddy man? Neddy?
Giorgio checks Ned’s pulse.
GIORGIO: Ohhh man, he’s not breathing, man.
ELLY: Wha? What do you mean?
GIORGIO: I mean, he ain’t breathing air, El!
ELLY: What you mean? What you mean?!
GIORGIO: F’cking porridge!
ELLY: What?
GIORGIO: Ya porridge droolin’ out the side of HIS cheek.
ELLY: He ate too fast!
GIORGIO: Call the police!
ELLY: Oh…
Elly grabs her phone.
…HELLO?!
LIGHTS OUT.
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Scene Summary
In the one act eplay The Accusal, Elly brings Giorgio porridge in order to help him with his cold, but Giorgio doesn’t wish to eat it and so there mutual friend Ned does, but things don’t turn out all that well.
- Genre:Â Dark humor / Drama / Serio-Comedy
- Length: ~5-7 minute scene
- Characters: 1 woman, 2 men
- Themes: food, health, friendship, love
- Best For: drama scenes for acting school
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Scene Source: The Accusal
The Accusal is a serio-comedy play by Joseph Arnone, 2025.
